So. Diego Maradona wants to be FIFA Vice President if Prince Ali Bin al-Hussein succeeds Sepp Blatter as President. Speaking to an Argentinian soccer show, Maradona threw his hat in the ring as the Winston Wolf of FIFA and said "If I arrive I'll clean them all up." He also took a swipe at his potential rival to the vice-throne, former Portugal forward Luis Figo: "Before I respected him, but then I realized that his word is worth less than Bernardo, Zorro's friend."
Maradona as FIFA Veep seems like a good idea; at the very least it is an idea. But are there better ideas out there? Yes, of course there are better ideas, and we compiled a near-exhaustive list of them.
- Maradona as Vice President of the world's largest cocaine factory.
- Even just having cocaine factories, generally out there in the world, is a better idea.
- Maradona as Vice President of your local youth soccer league.
- "American Medical Association Vice President, Diego Maradona."
- Black-licorice flavored toothpaste.
- United Passions.
- Emma Stone as Vice President of the Asian Football Confederation.
- American Pharoah as Vice President of Elmer's Glue (from an Elmer's Glue shareholders' perspective).
- Alex Rodriguez as Vice President of WADA.
- Jack Warner as Vice President of your personal checking account.
- Sepp Blatter as Vice President of Poynter.
- Green golf balls.
- You spend an hour getting ready for a date with someone you've been crushing on for months. You get a haircut, take a shower, shave, and break out your fancy cologne and apply the optimum amount of musk so that it's there, and pleasant, but not overbearing. You wear that new shirt that looks awesome with whatever pants you're wearing—no one cares about your pants, man—and lace up your shoes before heading out the door. You walk out to your car, open the door, and smack your forehead. Shaking your head at your own stupidity for almost forgetting, you walk back inside and grab your Kangol hat.
- Maradona as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.