Fuck It, Let’s All Bring Cheese Platters to the Footy

Some guy in a bucket hat was spotted gleefully reinforcing millennial stereotypes at Sunday's Melbourne v St Kilda match at the MCG by enjoying a platter of soft cheeses, salmon, artisanal bread and avocado as he watched his team—the Demons—defeat their rivals. And, look. I don't know what stance to take other than: yum. Good for him. Let's all do this next weekend.

Fellow spectator, Melbourne comedian Brendan Maloney tweeted the image on Sunday. It soon made its way onto Reddit, where people naturally started making stale jokes about Melbourne hipsters and housing deposits. Some users also wondered how the fan had managed to evade the MCG's security checks by bringing a cheese knife into the stadium. There was also some discussion about the Demons achieving a 24-point victory against Melbourne, in what was by all accounts a fairly thrilling game.

You know what? Life's short! MCG pies are expensive and bad! Ironic bourgeois posturing is the only thing millennials have left in this economy! It's our last refuge, literally! I refuse to make fun of this lad and his silly hat-wearing friend. Cheese is delicious and so is avocado. Prosciutto is literally one of the only good things on this earth. Actually, let's take a closer look at the fine selection of nibbles on offer here.

We've got quite a lot of cured meat going on, some stuffed olives, what looks like a lovely fresh stick of ciabatta, a Hass avocado, some antipasti, and what sharp-eyed Reddit user and dairy expert 'Omaca' identifies as a nice big wedge of Fromager d'Affinois Bleu cheese ("It's up there with the best. Try it sometime with slices of fresh pear. It will change your religion.")

While it isn't pictured in the photo, other spectators claim that salmon also featured in the spread. All in all, it's one of the nicest cheese and charcuterie boards I've seen inside or outside of a football stadium. My only suggestion for next time would be some water crackers, or possibly those rosemary and sea salt biscuits you can get at Woolworths. Maybe some almonds? Bit of dark chocolate to cleanse the palate?

The news over the weekend was awful. Life is, mostly, futile. It's nice to have distractions. Blue cheese is fucking good. Happy Monday.

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