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Ten Coping Mechanisms for These Dark Times

Photographer Robert Hickerson interprets some eccentric stress management techniques for our bleak world.

by Robert Hickerson
Apr 24 2018, 7:17pm

The world's been particularly shitty lately. Children are famous on Instagram for squeezing limes into their eyes or sledding down escalators. Everything's a fucking reboot. This article would probably never have been written if not for the president of the United States. It often seems as if we've all just collectively given up.

We're all having trouble dealing with these dark times. So here are 10 totally serious coping mechanisms, suggested by our staff, and illustrated for your amusement.

1. Flipping off random cars because the people driving at some point probably drove like an asshole

2. Calling your "back burner" for a drunken make out

3. Using excessive chapstick as a non-destructive oral fixation

4. Not reading the comment section

5. Watching TV alone and eating Saltines. No cheese, no meat, no toppings at all. Just TV and Saltines

6. Touching produce in grocery stores and thinking back to "simpler times"

7. Eating twice your body weight in the dark

8. Getting off to ethically produced porn

9. Doing an excessive amount of face masks to hide from the world and facial recognition tech

10. Watching reruns of Kitchen Nightmares while eating 20 feet of red licorice out of a bag