The Funniest Lies Adults Told Us When We Were Kids

"My dad told us he put a chemical in the pool that would turn pee bright red. If you peed in the pool, it would stain your swimsuit and everyone would know what you did."
March 31, 2017, 2:23pm
Photo by Lauren Naefe via Stocksy

Everybody knows that honesty is part of good parenting, but sometimes parents lie to keep their exhausting children in line and out of trouble. Often, it can take years before these lies are exposed. We asked people for the funniest and weirdest lies their parents told them as children.

Where Bologna Comes From

When I was six or seven, I asked my dad how bologna was made. He obviously didn't really want to get into whatever weird animal parts are in there, or maybe he just had no idea, so he told me that bologna was made by lining up a bunch of hot dogs and running over them with a steamroller. It's not too far off base.


The Toilet Monster

When I was little my father told me about the Toilet Monster, a monster that lived in the toilet and would try to bite your butt when you flushed. Whenever I flushed the toilet, I would run out of our small bathroom. This went on for years, until one day I fled the bathroom in front of my out-of-town uncle. "Why did you run out of the bathroom?" my uncle asked me. "Because there's a monster in the toilet that will try to bite your butt when it flushes!" My uncle laughed. "There's no such thing as a toilet monster_._ It's the Toilet Dragon, and it breathes fire at you!"


Read more: People Explain Why Threesomes Are Boring and the Worst

The Pee Chemical

My dad told us he put a chemical in the pool that would turn pee bright red. If you peed in the pool, it would stain your swimsuit and everyone would know what you did.


The Exploding Computer Screen

My elementary computer teacher told us that we could not touch the computer screens because our fingers' static electricity would react with the computer and cause the screen to shatter, coating the glass with dangerous chemicals before the computer exploded and shot poisonous needles of glass all over the room. I believed this to the point that I planned to dive for cover if this happened. I believed the lie for years until I screamed at my dad for trying to touch his desktop screen.


The Magical Arcade at the End of the Worst Hike Ever

My family was vacationing on a remote, rustic New England island, and my father wanted us to go on a ten mile hike circumnavigating the land. We complained about the length of the hike and asked if we could turn back, so my dad told us that there was a big video game arcade at the end of the hike. Despite the fact that the island had 60 inhabitants and barely any electricity, we believed him enough to finish the six-hour journey.


For More Stories Like This, Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Joe the Repo Man

When I was five, I made a snotty comment about not having to be good because Christmas was over, so my mom invented a character named Joe the Repo Man. He wasn't magical like Santa. He was a real guy parents could call to repossess the presents of bad children! She also used this on my sister when she was little, and today I think she should make a Joe the Repo Man doll in the of Elf on the Shelf to keep kids in line.


Pocket Boy

My father told me that he could fit me in the palm of my hand when I was a toddler because I was so small. He said that he would put me in his shirt pocket and walk me around town. I would also go off on my own creative adventures. I would jump leaf to leaf on trees, and I would heroically fight off lady bugs. I was so young and impressionable that I actually believed him.


The Death of the Easter Bunny

My parents got tired of keeping up the Easter Bunny, so my mom took a giant stuffed rabbit and covered it in fake Halloween blood and fed it to our dogs Easter morning. That was how my parents ended the Easter egg hunts: They let the dogs kill the Easter Bunny.


*Name has been changed.