Food by VICE

Two Dudes Allegedly Tried to Rob a Little Caesar's in the Dumbest Way Imaginable

If you're going to steal a pizza—and we are in no way suggesting that you do—at least show up with a plan.

by Jelisa Castrodale
Sep 6 2019, 5:13pm

Photo: Getty Images

Last fall, Little Caesars kitted out the majority of its restaurants with Pizza Portals, a mobile pickup station that allows customers to run in, enter a three-digit PIN, grab whatever they ordered online without having to interact with another human.

But apparently two New York men didn't want to wait for the Pizza Portal to tell them that their pie was ready—and they didn't want to place their own order, either. According to the New York Post, the men allegedly showed up at a Little Caesars in the Bronx at about 6 p.m. on Monday, and they tried to climb into the restaurant through the drive-thru window.

One of them actually made it partially into the joint, and was half-sprawled on the counter when employees pushed him back out onto the pavement. (As attempted robberies go, this one seems particularly undignified). Then, they decided to just try the front door. One of them held a knife, and they managed to snatch another customer's $23 pizza order before they ran off.

Come on. If you're going to steal a pizza—and we are in no way suggesting that anyone should do this—at least put some effort into your eventual misdemeanors.

In June, a Montana man saw a still-running Howard's Pizza truck outside one of its Great Falls locations, and he also saw a glorious opportunity. Isaac Leo Wells allegedly let himself into the truck, put it in gear, and took it on a not-inconspicuous joyride through town.

Wells, 20, spotted a group of people hanging out near an Oldsmobile, and he stopped to chat and to hand out some still-steaming pizzas from the truck's built-in oven. "Wells gave the group pizza, which everyone ate and enjoyed," the Great Falls Tribune said, referencing court documents. "Then he asked one of the group to follow him to somewhere he could ditch the truck."

When officers located Wells—and the Oldsmobile—they also found a cell phone belonging to the real Howard's Pizza driver and the keys to the truck. Wells was ultimately arrested on an assortment of charges, ranging from felony theft to misdemeanor driving without a license and reckless driving.

But again, have you tried the Little Caesars Pizza Portal? Or delivery or DoorDash or DiGiorno's, or literally any other way of getting pizza that doesn't involve breaking a number of laws? Because those are still options, guys.