Welcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.
- I still can't really believe that Postmates semi-regularly convinces celebrities to show their entire asses in the form of allowing the delivery service to publish a summary of their annual order receipts, but I am happy to ogle the results. No judgement, but Kylie Jenner orders from Postmates, on average, every other day, most frequently in the form of a cream cheese bagel at 10 AM, which honestly sounds like a very relatable way to enjoy obscene wealth. A little more judgement, however, for the time that she Postmates'd a single carrot and a bottle of Smartwater. All told, she spent north of $10,000 on the delivery app in 2018.
- The DC-area baker who DIDN'T ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE for selling a cookie that said "Build that Wall," but did explain it was just a joke after the backlash, is doubling down. Rather than, you know, taking into consideration that people didn't find the cookie very funny and backing off the issue, Ken Bellingham is now selling "Build that Wall" cookies by the dozen and adding "Lighten Up" and "I'm Offended" icing messages to his arsenal.
- Over at The Takeout, Kevin Pang actually "made that queso" that went viral during the Super Bowl based on the recipe (or at least, the list of ingredients) Dana Perino tweeted out. Her inclusion of canned mushroom soup and sautéed bacon received almost as much criticism as as the soupy brown result, but Pang said the finished product was "inarguably delicious." Of course, his actually looked like something you'd want to eat, so rather than exonerate Pernio, this should be seen as an indictment more of her photography skills and abilities in the kitchen than the source material she pulled from.
- Foie gras has long been controversial because of the animal rights issues inherent to how it's obtained (force-feeding ducks and geese via shoving a long metal tube down their throats) and now a New York Councilwoman has proposed a bill that would make selling the delicacy illegal for restaurants and vendors in the city. “Don’t tell me you’re a fan of the Central Park Mandarin duck but you think foie gras is OK,” a different councilwoman who backed the bill told the New York Post.
- A 20-year-old Australian woman got an inner lip tattoo that says "KFC" because the fast food fried chicken makes her "happier than anything else in the world." She told The Daily Mail that "It would be awesome if they gave me free KFC because of it," which is not how this works (you're supposed to get 10k RT before getting inked if you want the brand to take notice), and that she also has a dog named Nugget. Just wait till she finds out about the absolutely unnerving Colonel Sanders bearskin rugs the brand is giving away (or something?) on Reddit. Those hands are gonna haunt me for a long time.
The oft-food-centric Instagram from the pair of cartoon artists whose work appears in The Guardian.
Buy This 22-Pound Cheese Cake
Not cheesecake, but cheese cake. Costco bills this as a "cheese lover artisan wedding cake," and Thrillist claims this it's a welcome alternative to a classic wedding cake (which, love me some cheese but I have to disagree—when else do you get to eat buttercream as an adult?). However, if you look closely at the description, you'll notice that this cake comes unassembled, and decorations are not included. In other words: It's just five wheels and 22 pounds of cheese. Nothing wrong with that.