Women Sum Up the Grossest Thing They've Seen in a Man's Apartment in Six Words

"Left his Fleshlight drying in kitchen."

by Anna Goldfarb
Jul 19 2017, 7:47pm

Illustrationer af Brandon Celi

Not all women are squeaky clean princesses, but men seem to take disgusting homes to new heights. Between nasty bathrooms (hair-clogged drains, crusty towels), disheveled kitchens (sinks piled high with food-caked dirty dishes), and abominable bedrooms (stained sheets, more crusty towels), some guys' living spaces are legit hellholes. We asked friends and co-workers to recount the most gnarly thing they've seen at a fella's house. Here's what they said.

"Gamer kept pee-filled Gatorade bottles." - Ria, 28

"Jumbo box of condoms in bedroom." - Becky, 26

"Toilet that flushed with a bucket." - Alison, 31

"Left his Fleshlight drying in kitchen." - Estelle, 23

"Used condoms collecting in a glass."" - Tracy, 40

"Poop-encrusted underwear in his hamper." - Erica, 32

"On floor: wet laundry with mold." - Rachel, 33

"Dildo stuck on wall. Appeared unwashed." - Ellie, 33

"Garbage pile out back with rats." - Mary, 36

"Cum-stained comforters smelled like feet." - Jasmine, 30

"Refrigerator shrimp he insisted wasn't shrimp." - Jackie, 30

"Owned Common Sense by Glenn Beck. Gag." - Nancy, 28

"Furry hand-sized moth framed in glass." - Liz, 28

"Bathmat stiff as a cutting board." - Alia, 38

"Iguana roaming around his living room." - Kathryn, 29

"Basement was flooded with hoarder garbage." - Ria, 28

"Porno magazines in pile by toilet." - Ruth, 38

"Booger collection on his bedroom wall." - Nora, 24

"Used corner of bedroom as hamper." - Julie, 22

"Trail of mouse poop in kitchen." - Annie, 35

Illustrations by Brandon Celi for VICE

"Bottle of lotion next to computer." - Liz, 28

"Several mounds of dried cat puke." - Janelle, 26

"Moldy rust stains on shower curtain." - Allie, 23

"Something must've died in his microwave." - Lauren, 22

"Black grime in tub induced vomit." - Samantha, 25

"Every season of Family Guy... on DVD." - Maria, 21

"Several photobooth shots with other girls." - Cindy, 27

"Freezer-burned ice cream. Expired eggs." - Bethany, 27

"No silverware. Just re-used plastic utensils." - Joanna, 32

"Cigarette burns in his old-ass futon." - Samantha, 28

"Threadbare beach towel only towel available." - Jenna, 31

"His stash of exes' nude pics." - Leslie, 38

"Dust bunnies the size of rodents." - Courtney, 25

"Fleas on a dirty shag rug." - Veronica, 30

"Only thing in fridge: rotten mayo." - Sarah, 34

"Blood and poop stains on towels." - Christy, 39

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