Like the F. in Weezy F. Baby, Lil Wayne is always about a bunch of shit, literally. More than any other rapper, Weezy F. Baby preaches on matters of the butt. This mainly includes shitting on other rappers and something like his version of "True Life: I'm the Shit." Lil Wayne is also the Rapper Eater, which presents a particular existential conundrum—wouldn't the other rappers be shit once he eats them? And one might wonder, is he eating the same rappers he's shitting on and effectively re-eating his own self-shit? Or is he eating himself? It's a confusing cycle—meta-fecally swag-surfing over the Mobius if you will.
What's more confusing is the answer to all of those questions is "yes." Wayne is indiscriminate when it comes to poo. Where some see only a filthy bodily function, Tunechi imagines brown similes, full of beautiful, revolting possibilities and ineffable anatomic feats.
Wayne's poo-poetry is weird and gross, but so is he, in the best possible way. That's what lets him tolerate even thinking about half this stuff. It's also helped make him a great rapper, one that manipulates poop in more interesting ways than some rappers can talk about anything. What other rapper do you that can take actual shit and flip it into a brilliant lyric?
In the interest of public health, here is a (nearly) comprehensive guide to Lil Wayne's poop lyrics, loosely arranged by type. So, read on. Laugh. Cry. Feel generally disgusted (because you will). So, with the utmost love for Weezy F(ecal) Baby, we present to you Wayne's World of Waste.
Being The Shit
With Regard To The Smell
Chris Brown - "Look at Me Now" feat. Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes - "I don't eat sushi, I'm the shit/ no, I'm pollution, no substitution"
Lil Wayne - "Mercy Remix" feat. Nicki Minaj - "I'm the shit, turn your nose up"
Jae Millz - "Holla at a Playa Remix" feat. Lil Wayne - "OK, baby, I'm the shit/ so can you bring me some tissue/ Air freshener/ but bitch, I'm fresher/ I can get ya girl to come/ and kiss me on the pisser"
Keri Hilson - "Turning Me On" feat. Lil Wayne - "Baby, I'm the shit and/ that's the only thing you smell around me"
With Regard To Other Body Parts/Functions
Lil Wayne - "Swag Surfin' Remix" - "I'm talking big shit, nigga, join my hit list nigga/ What's the matter? Check your bladder/ I'm the shit, piss, nigga" & "I'm the hardest shit, go in your ass and search"
Lil Wayne - "A Milli" - "And I be the shit, now you got loose bowels"
Lil Wayne - "First Place Winner" feat. Boo, Curren$y, Mack Maine & Swizz Beatz - "I am the shit/ and they just poop stains"
Lil Wayne - "Ain't that a Bitch" - "They tellin' me I'm the shit like a nigga don't piss"
Lil Wayne - "Famous" - "I'm poo poo, meaning/ I'm the shit on you turds"
With Regard To Disposal
TI feat. Lil Wayne, "Done It Now" - "And I am the shit/ I stay away from the poop scoop"
Birdman - "4 My Town" feat. Lil Wayne & Drake - "Man, I'm the shit, and y'all janitors"
Nicki Minaj - "Roman's Revenge 2.0" feat. Lil Wayne - "Haha! Old-ass rappers/ I'm still the shit, old-ass Pampers"
Chamillionaire - "Rock Star" feat. Lil Wayne - "I am the shit/ Hear the commode cry"
Lil Wayne - "IANAHB" - "She say 'Tunechi, you the shit, you need your ass wiped'"
Lil Wayne - "La La" feat. Brisco & Busta Rhymes - "Nigga, I'm the shit, get the fuck up out my toilet"
Lil Wayne - "Money on My Mind" - "Dear Mr. Toilet, I'm the shit"
Lil Wayne - "Ain't Got Time" - "I could get your stomach out of your back/I could make you shit better"
DJ Drama - "Cannon RMX" feat. Lil Wayne, Willie The Kid, Freeway & T.I. - "Bullets like birds, you can hear them bitches humming/ Don't make that bird shit, he got a weak stomach"
Lil Wayne - "My Weezy" feat. Lil Twist, Shanell & Tyga - "My stomach hurt, and my shit is droppin' real soon"
Lil Wayne - "500 Degreez" - "You don't want my stomach ache, I shit on them cats"
Lil Wayne - "Anything" - "We all ready to shit, don't need an asshole"
Meek Mill - "I'm a Boss Remix" feat. Lil Wayne, Birdman, DJ Khaled, Rick Ross, Swizz Beatz & T.I. - "The world is an asshole, and we the next big shit"
Lil Wayne - "Shit Stains" - "I'm a asshole, but I don't give a shit"
Lil Wayne - "You Ain't Got Nuthin'" feat. Juelz Santana & Fabolous - "Weezy, I'm at the top, foot up in your bottom/ Huh, damn, I mean, foot up in your ass/ I kick that shit/ Now go and put it in the trash"
Lil Wayne - "DOA" - "Loose bowels, this shit so easy"
Smell Of Shit
When It Does
Drake - "Successful" feat. Lil Wayne & Trey Songz - "Tired of hearing bullshit, bring on the cow shit/ Haven't met a smell that's stinkier than our shit"
Lil Wayne - "Nightmares of the Bottom" - "But who am I to talk? I ain't shittin' roses"
Lil Wayne - "Sorry 4 the Wait" - "And I stink cause I got a lot of shit on my mind"
Lil Wayne - "Let the Beat Build" - "Used to think my shit didn't stink, boy, was I wrong"
Juelz Santana - "Make it Work for You" feat. Lil Wayne & Young Jeezy - "Ugh, you can smell it through the wrapper/ That's that shit, nigga, sit it in a Pampers"
Lil Wayne - "God Bless Amerika" - "Same shit, different air freshener"
The Stafford Brothers - "Hello" feat. Lil Wayne & Christina Milian - "What? You think your shit don't stank?"
Kanye West - "See You in My Nightmares" feat. Lil Wayne - "You think your shit don't stank/ But you are Mrs. P-U"
Lil Wayne – "Fuckwitmeyouknowigotit Remix" – "Got so much shit built up you could smell it on me"
Tyga feat. Lil Wayne, "Faded" - "Prior to me coming, I had to stick my thumb in/ her ass one time, smell my finger make you vomit"
When It Doesn't
Birdman - "Get It All Together" feat. Lil Wayne - "And I, I kinda act like my shit don't stink/ On a toilet with the burner taped under the sink"
Nicki Minaj - "Higher than a Kite" feat. Lil Wayne - "Shit don't stank when you shittin' in the bank"
Lil Wayne - "Wasted Remix" - "This shit's so good, it don't even smell bad"
Lil Wayne - "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe Remix" - "Man, shit ain't never smell this good"
Nicki Minaj - "Roman Reloaded" feat. Lil Wayne - "Um, my shit so cold, man, it don't even stank-o"
Lil Wayne - "Get Smoked" feat. Lil Mouse - "These niggas think they the shit, these niggas perfume"
Lil Wayne - "Love You Right" feat. Cherlise - "Girl, your man ain't shit, so fuck that nigga/ Just put on your poker face/ And straight flush that shit"
Mystikal - "Original" feat. Lil Wayne & Birdman - "Uh, ain't it crazy how shit be?/ That's why I flush it"
Lil Wayne - "Bang Bang" feat. Gudda Gudda & Jae Millz - "Planet earth is my toilet, you're beneath this shit/ then I flush and wipe my ass"
Lil Wayne - "Ain't I" feat. Jae Millz - "Shittin' on you bitches now let me flush the toilet and wipe my ass"
Lil Wayne - "Walk It Out Remix" - "I shit these rappers out, and sometimes I forget to flush ya"
Lil Wayne - "Mr. Carter" feat. Jay-Z - "While ya'll asshole niggas been on the same shit/ I flush and watch them go down the drain quick"
Shitting in a Bathroom
Lil Wayne - "Dear Anne" - "Shit as I sit and wait for the war to begin"
Lil Wayne - "I'm Not a Human" - "Rockstar shit from my rockstar ass/ Got a tub full of money, that's a rockstar bath/ Then I use more money to wipe my rockstar ass/ Then I throw it in the garbage, that's rockstar trash"
Drake feat. Lil Wayne, "I'm Goin' In" - "Hello muthafucka, hey, hi, how ya durn'?/ It's Weezy F. Baby come to take a shit and urine/ on the toilet bowl, bitches"
Soulja Boy - "Turn My Swag On Remix" feat. Lil Wayne - "I'm in the bathroom, takin' me a rich nigga shit"
Lil Wayne - "We Be Steady Mobbin" feat. Gucci Mane - "Big house, long hallways/ got 10 bathrooms, I could shit all day, nigga!"
Lil Wayne - "Get High, Rule The World" - "I'm on the toilet watchin' 'Martin,' just laughin' and shit"
Shitting Anywhere Else
Where He Stands
"Back on My Grizzy" - "I could take a shit where I stand, where I stand/ And watch you pussies piss in your pants"
In A Coffin
Lil Wayne - "Outstanding" - "I ain't dying just yet, I take a shit in the coffin/ I already know how to piss in the toilet/ I'm tryna to get the pot to piss in in the morning"
On "Your Girl"
Lil Wayne - "I'm a Beast" - "Take a shit in yo yard, take a piss on yo broad/ Make a list of yo boys, and go and murder them all"
Lil Wayne - "Some Say" - "I wish I could bird shit on every bitch/ Like Biggie, so after I shitted on a bitch, haha/ Oh, you know I shitted on a bitch"
T.I. - "Stand Up" feat. Lil Wayne, Lil Jon & Trick Daddy - "And I'll probably shit on ya bitch/ Probably piss on her lips and/ She probably give you a kiss"
Lil Wayne - "This is the Carter" feat. Mannie Fresh - "I'm the Birdman, Birdman Jr., bitch/ I be high in the sky, shit on you and your bitch"
On Everyone Else
Lil Wayne - "YM Banger" feat. Gudda Gudda, Jae Millz & Tyga - "Fuck shittin' on ya, dump the whole toilet on ya"
Lil Wayne - "Gonorrhea" feat. Drake - "Yeah, you boys is washed up/ And I'm shittin' on 'em like '2 Girls 1 Cup'"
Lil Wayne - "Down and Out" feat. DJ Drama - "Shitting on my old hoes/ Pissing off my old homies"
Lil Wayne - "Green and Yellow" - "We shitting on these fools, no bathroom"
Lil Wayne - "Ready for the World" - "Pissed off, no,/ more like shittin' on"
Lil Wayne - "Get Em" - "One pistol, two clips, I aim at lips/ Wayne that shit, shit on y'all"
Lil Wayne – "Type Of Way Remix" – "I be shittin' on these niggas, like I'm sippin' Metamucil"
Lil Wayne - "I'm Me" - "The only time I will depend is when I'm seventy years old/ That's when I can't hold my shit within, so I shit on myself/ Cause I'm so sick and tired of shittin' on everybody else"
Lil Wayne - "Beat the Shit" feat. Gunplay - "I run off in your fuckin' shit, damn, now I got shit stains"
"Lollipop Remix" feat. Kanye West - "I flushed out the feeling of me being the shit/ 'Cause I was leaving skid marks on everywhere I sit"
Lil Wayne - "Shit Stains" - "Bitch, I'm a a-hole, leavin' shit stains"
Lil Wayne - "You Song" feat. Chance the Rapper - "I'll be cleaning that love bird shit off my window"
Talking Literal Shit
When It's Lil Wayne
Lil Wayne - "Bill Gates" - "Yes I talk shit, got to defecate to conversate"
Drake - "Light Up Remix" feat. Lil Wayne & Jay-Z - "My conversation stinks 'cause I talk shit"
The Game - "Soo Woo" feat. Lil Wayne - "I talk rich shit 'cause I'm a rich ass nigga"
Lil Wayne - "So Special" feat. John Legend - "I talk shit, I hope it matters"
Lil Wayne - "Talk That" feat. T-Pain - "Boy, I talk shit like I swallowed a bathroom"
When It's Someone Else
Lil Wayne - "Hit 'Em Up" - "Hollerin' bullshit, nigga, cut the diarrhea"
Young Money - "New Shit" feat. Lil Wayne, Gudda Gudda, Jae Millz, & Mack Maine - "How come you talking out your ass/ and ain't got shit to say?"
Lil Wayne - "Trigger Finger" feat. Soulja Boy - "How the fuck you gon' talk shit to diarrhea?
Lil Wayne - "Shit Stains" - "Yeah, I'm on that shit like a fuckin' maggot"
Lil Wayne - "D.O.A." - "I'm on some shit ain't even come out the ass yet"
Birdman - "100 Million" feat. Lil Wayne, Rick Ross & Young Jeezy - "I ain't a asshole, but I'm on some hood shit"
Lil Wayne - "That Ain't Me" feat. Jay Sean - "We got get on our shit like gnats do"
Lil Wayne - "What's Wrong With Them" - "Stepping on the bullshit, you can be my doormat"
Life As Shit
Drake - "HYFR" feat. Lil Wayne - "Damn, she say this shit gon' catch up to me/ I keep tissue paper"
Lil Wayne - "That's What They Call Me" feat. Gudda Gudda - "Yeah, same shit, different restroom"
Omarion - "I Get it In" feat. Lil Wayne - "I'm jumpin' in this shit like a pogo on a potty"
Jennifer Lopez - "I'm Into You" feat. Lil Wayne - "So we can leave that old shit in the restroom"
Shitting As Rapping
Lil Wayne - "Boom" - "I don't rap, I just shit like a newborn"
Lil Wayne - "Run This Town Remix" - "When I leave the booth, they gotta scoop this shit"
Lil Wayne - "It's Young Money" feat. Gudda Gudda - "Diarrhea music when I let this hot shit leak"
Shit As Murder
Lil Wayne - "500 Degreez" - "And shit got me 'bout ass up/ They finding niggas in they shit with they ass up"
Lil Wayne - "Problem Solver" - "Throw them somethin' to wipe out ya whole shit"
Lil Wayne - "Tha Heat" - "I'll pop till your shit separate like 'eewww'"
Lil Wayne - "Oh Boy Freestyle" - "You fuckin' wit' a sick boy/ I feel it bubblin'/ I think I'm about to shit, boy"
General "Shit" Wordplay
DJ Khaled - "Bitches & Bottles (Let's Get It Started)" feat. Lil Wayne, Future & T.I. - "Sittin' on like a hundred mil, I treat that shit like whoopie cushion"
Birdman - "Born Stunna Remix" feat. Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj & Rick Ross - "And I ain't never number two, so you ain't gettin' shit from me"
Nicki Minaj - "I Get Crazy" feat. Lil Wayne - "I'm fly, now eat my bird shit"
Drake - "Miss Me" feat. Lil Wayne - "Man, I swear my bitch do it 'til they suck the brown off/ Ugh, that's nasty"
Lil Wayne - "President Carter" - "Bullshit for lunch, brown bag nigga"
Lil Wayne - "That Ain't Me" feat. Jay Sean - "And these niggas ain't shit like they're constipated"
Drake feat. Lil Wayne, "Ignant Shit" - "Young Money in your tummy and we gon' shit/ and get that toilet paper quick like when Bones spit"
Lil Wayne - "Whip It" - "I know the streets, bitch/ And this is my toilet/ And you can eat shit"
Lil Wayne – "Still Got The Rock" – "Diarrhea shit don't stop until my fucking casket drop"
Adam Lukach is literally crazy for this one. He's on Twitter - @lucheezy