Whirr Wants You to Fuck Off

Are you on the internet? Good, Whirr guitarist Nick Bassett doesn't give a shit about you then.

Apr 23 2014, 8:15pm

For better or worse, a lot of weird things have happened to our world in the past handful of years thanks to social media. Five years ago, there wasn't an army of "activists" waiting behind Twitter handles and Tumblr URLs for the freshest cis-male blood to drop. Robin Thicke probably could have released the rapiest song he wanted and it would have gone unnoticed (like all other Robin Thicke songs that aren't rapey). Before Tumblr, there were hardcore bands writing entire albums about "sluts" and a new movie every weekend with a white person portraying someone of color and Gwen Stefani profiting off a level of cultural appropriation that only Katy Perry could dream of. Maybe even Whirr could have gotten away with calling their fans "retards" and "pussies" without the entirety of the internet turning against them.

The good old days, am I right? Not that these things don't still happen just as often, it's just that now there's a system of checks and balances known as getting-called-the-fuck-out and probably having your transgressions against humanity made into a listicle. There's a moral compass conveniently embedded in everyone's Twitter timeline directing the masses to all that's right and just. And trending. On the opposite site of that compass, maybe hanging off the edge of it, is a band called Whirr. And Whirr doesn't give a fuck about your moral compass.

After receiving some unfavorable and ill-informed reviews, the band seemed to have a sort of Michael-Douglas-in-Falling-Down moment on the internet. While entertaining, many fans seemed offended by the language used and were ready to leave the band behind. There's now even a Tumblr dedicated to them insulting their own fans. I caught up with guitarist Nick Bassett and offered a shot at internet redemption. A chance to wipe the slate clean and kiss the rings of internet activists everywhere.

First off, before anything else, would you like to offer any apologies to anyone who's commented on Whirr's Facebook page or atone for any of the things you've said in response to them?
Absolutely not.

What would you like to say to your ex-fans?
We're weeding out the pussies.

Some have labeled the band sexist and ableist in response to some of your insults. What do you think about that?
Actual morons.

If you alienated every fan to the point where you couldn't sell any records, how would you feel, and what would Whirr do next?
I'd be stoked that we didn't suck anyone's dick as a band and were just real dudes being real. If we weren't selling records anymore, that would be a wrap for us.

Do you think bands take social media too seriously?
I think people take everything around them too seriously.

What's up with the band's beef with Needledrop/Anthony Fantano?
Motherfucker looks like Bobby Hill. Also:

Whirr just recorded a new record, right? What can your few remaining fans expect from it?
Every song slaps.

How has the sound changed throughout the shifts in lineup and member changes?
This final lineup is perfect and the band has become more collaborative than ever before.

In an interview last year, you said you wanted to be the loudest band in the world. Do you think you've achieved that goal?
We achieved it at our first show. Ask Weekend about it, they were there. I asked Shaun Durkan of Weekend about Whirr's first show. "Way louder than when I saw My Bloody Valentine. It made me physically ill."

If you're already the loudest band in the world, what's next?
Blowing out every PA system we can, alienating hype-hopping hardcore dweebs, taking people's money, and being the greatest band of all time.

What other goals does Whirr have?
Keep eating ice cream, skating, and killing it.

Anything else you'd like to say?
Shout out to Schü, Mclain, PAAAA (leak), NIcky $$$ (Charlie Black), Jeff (The Boss), Healthy Mike, Damian (Tigers & Daggers), Arland, Chancho, Bourcier, Mickey (Lyin1), Davy, Austin, my girl Lucy, my girl Sparrow, Chris Betz, Joe Bayes, Tyler Thalkin, CC, Pierre AKA "PP" AKA "BENJAMIN", Kendall and Mick, Lexy, Rick Nola, Jacob Heiny, Milo, Sherwin, Larry, Louis, Lupe and Lety feat the Flea Market and Garcia Jo Jo's, Ryan Graveface, the whole atmosphere of the Xmas season, DALE, Kerry McCoy (Jerry) and George (BIG III and IV), Derek Prine (Howie), Ben & Jerry, Muff, Ziggy (wishy-washy), Brenden (of Lucy's and Drinkers Tavern fame), Bleachy, Darren (who's cooler than Devin), Jerry Brown (thanks for all the EBT hook up), Jack Shirley (BREH), the orange sauce from the taqueria in Redwood City, humble Bobb, McDonald's fries, Adam (damb), Brandon Gold, Anthony Borges, the Blue Gum Boys, Palmer, Kyle Costill, Tommy Doc, Thomas, BIG DAWG t-shirts, Franklin Fountain, Lorenzo's, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Fred Pessaro, Bob's Take & Bake (Ceres), Snow White (Yosemite), Jeff Casaza, Will Yip, Mick Foley a.k.a. "Mankind" a.k.a. "Dude Love" a.k.a. "Cactus Jack," Arthur Rizk, Nick Ray, Rennie, Bob, Duncan and the whole Relapse/Life or Death team, Don Argott and the 9.14 pictures team, Sandy (from Szechuan), Night School, Sad Actor, Dan E, Joe from Nick's Roast Beef, The Rock, Lyle Gallagher, John Conner, Gallagher (John Conner's best friend), Billy "the sign maker," Stone Cold E.T, the Iron Sheik, Youth Code, Night Sins, Lycus, White Lighters, Swan Dive, Power Trip, the Casket Girls, Ingrid Maoz (WHIRL), all the players from Whirr, Nothing, Weekend, Lycus, Title Fight, and Dead End Path. Anthony Fantano, Ian Cohen, and the rest of the pussies who are going to cry about this shit via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, etc.

What's going to happen to you when you die?
There's a place in hell reserved for me and my friends.

Lukas Hodge is on Twitter, faving subtweets about you - @lukashodge