Protest Songs That Australia Needs Right Now

Image: Ben Thomson

For many Australians, voting in the national election this Saturday means a choice between the human embodiment of erectile dysfunction and Ritchie Rich’s reptilian uncle. With climate change, marriage equality and the most inhumane immigration system in the developed world on the table, there’s never been a more depressing time to hate both major parties. Even though we’re a country with a proud history of protest songs (we basically elected Peter Garrett for his musical ability) for years we’ve been dealing with a serious dearth of protest music on the airwaves.

That’s why NOISEY has put together a compilation wish list for Protest Songs That Australia Needs Right Now.

"Stuck In Negative Gearing"- Violent Soho
Full of beefy guitar riffs and a shouty chorus, this powerful anthem will resonate with any 20-something who realise that thanks to the greed of Baby Boomers and Generation X, they will forever be priced out of the housing market to face the rest of their life paying high rent for dank shit holes.

"Hang the AFL Commentator" - The Wiggles
The Wiggles throw down some profanity on this reinterpretation of the Smiths’ classic “Panic”. Rather than Morrissey’s memorable line “Hang the DJ”, the red Wiggle gets all Rage Against the Machine as he screams “Hang Eddie and all his smug prick mates”.

"Rollin’ in my Grave" - Slim Dusty’s Ghost
Anther folksy banger from the auto-exhumed corpse of Australia’s singing Abe Simpson.

“From St Kilda to Nauru” - Paul Kelly
I’ll give you all of Sydney harbour (all that land and all that water) for the freedom of my nine-year-old son. Please, just let him be with his mother for god’s sake please we didn’t chose to come here our home isn’t safe.

“Reforming Parallel Importation Restrictions Will Be the Death of Australian Literature - The Veronicas
A 25-minute diatribe against PIR reforms from the pair’s new spoken word album: The Veronicas talk Consumer Protection Standards.

“Get Lit Until We Get Locked Out” - TV Rock ft Seany B
The supergroup’s second-ever hit: a huge club banger that packs a whole night’s worth of pingers into a tight 4 minutes, before Mike Baird kicks everybody out of the club.

“The Australian Blue Collar Worker Had No Place in 2016 and It's Fair Enough They're Sad and Angry About It” - Keith Urban
Keith Urban, a voice of the Australian people who has lived in America for the better part of the 21th century, comes to the defence of the Aussie blue collar worker, whose misguided fear of ‘losing our (white) national identity’ is not the fault of their own xenophobia, but rather a flame that has been stoked for years by the right’s campaign of fear mongering and misinformation, led solely to further their own political interests. Ironic, given the party they’re convinced will protect their own interests seeks only to widen the divide between the working and upper classes.

“Extradite Kyle Sandilands” - Kylie Minogue
Kylie is sick to death of misreading headline’s about Kyles’ latest on-air gaffe and thinking they’re about her. She campaigns to get him out of the country the only way she knows how: with soaring, featherlight pop. She wants to extradite him to America, and although he is not wanted for any crime there, it would just be good to get him out of our hands (and heads).

"Northcote Sharehouse" - Courtney Barnett
Wake up late. Run for the 86 tram, should've been there by 8.
Heading down High Street, straight for Northcote, you see
I would've caught an Uber but the surge just hit 3.3.
Usually wouldn't skip The Chaser to go out but this party will be grouse.
It's an end-of-lease blowout at David Feeney's $2.3 million negatively geared share house.

"A Year in Friendlyjordies Videos" - Dick Diver
In the Melbourne band’s trademark melodic style, Dick Diver contemplate the mindless scroll through Friendlyjordies’ Facebook page that has come to characterise the millennial Auspol experience.

"Feels Like We Only Go Backwards (to 1901, when the White Australia Policy was formally introduced)" - Tame Impala
A looping, hallucinatory swirl of confusion over Australia’s longstanding fear of immigrants.

Demos and B-sides:
"More Funding for Either Art or Science" - Art vs Science
"Never Trust a Man in a Suit Unless He Bought it From Vinnies" - You Am I
"Semicolons Matter" - Robert Forster
"Some Mines" - Flume feat. Christopher Pyne
"No Faith in the Voting System" - Shannon Noll