Rick Ross has been playing some Grand Theft Auto.
His latest video—"No Games"—is four minutes of explosions and butts and secret lairs. He is not playing around. Ross has always been one to take his favorite things very seriously, and here he's turned ALL of them into an aesthetic clusterfuck that is very Star Wars x MMA x Fast and Furious x a whole bunch of video games all at once.
This is what 2056 looks like.
SCARY SECURITY GUARDS ARE OUT
Latex and stilettos are the new combat boots and bald heads. Render intruders immobile with the reflective curves on these Fembots. Really, who's going to try and run past this intergalactic security detail? This lip-licking could stop a bullet midair. Ummm, Miley who?
MODEST IS HOTTEST
Rick Ross is pushing hard for that pensive mystique here. This looks like he wrapped himself in a yard of black sequined fabric, but it's about function, not form. He may look ridiculous, but he also looks mysterious as hell. Is he plotting the demise of his enemies or is he gassy from lunch? Wouldn't you like to know.
SYMMETRY IS EVERYTHING
Designing an intimidating space fortress that probably (definitely) doubles as a coke den is all about the details. Three chains, three butts, three rows of three guns. Levels to this shit.
DRIVE THIS CAR. THEN BLOW IT UP.
It has two guns on the hood and is apparently bulletproof. It probably cost a zillion dollars.
POSING WITH EXPLOSIONS IS THE NEW POSING WITH MONEY
Fire is by far the most indulgent prop. Anyone can roll around in their tax season stacks. It takes next level loot and like, chemists, to pull this off. That's Future brooding in his Balmain Morpheus jacket. That's all you need to know about his role in the video.
HANG OUT WITH THESE HONEYS
Now this is commitment. Do your bitches love you enough to twerk next to a fiery explosion? Would they straddle a river of gasoline in a bikini and stilettos for you? Didn't think so.
So dancing in stilettos is hard. Dancing in a latex body suit on a dilapidated fire escape in the rain while wearing those foggy science teacher glasses is really, really hard. She's not a ride or die if dying isn't actually on the table.
SING IN THE IN THE RAIN
Rick Ross likes to cool off after a long day in the fire pit by throwing on his all-white lounge wear and doing some ecstasy in the rain. Now it's clear that he is NOT messing around with his after hours attire. That number has got to be next-level comfortable because it's making me increasingly uncomfortable with every step he takes. When you're Rick Ross, there is a HUGE difference between standing still in a pair of white pants and walking around in them. Observe:
But then again, you're Rick Ross. You don't have time to trifle with tailored pants. It wasn't even raining out. You summoned that flow.
Amalia recommends the waffle tenders from Popeye's on Myrtle Ave and Broadway and she's on Twitter - @graztifarian