Picture this: The year is 2020. You and your long-haired paramour are happily frolicking along some faraway beach, when all of a sudden, a familiar but wizened-looking peach—its skin wrinkled beyond its years and the light faded from its cartoon eyes—approaches you and desperately begins to try and sell you a puka-shell-encrusted T-shirt.
The peach, looking ever more familiar by the moment, explains that he lost his job a few years back and never fully recovered. Sure, there was a brief period where he was able to find some less-than-reputable work in the state of Georgia, but he never fully regained his livelihood after the sudden redundancy. After apologetically explaining that you don't have your wallet on you, the peach dejectedly slinks off into the distance where you see it meeting up with an old Blackberry and the Noid from Domino's Pizza.
The scene above is not meant to bring you into a fit of tears—although it almost certainly will—but to depict the most likely future for the callipygous peach emoji that we all know and love.
Because it's gone. That's right: Apple has done the impossible and replaced the peach emoji with an emoji that looks like, well, more like a peach and less like a very nice butt. And people are not pleased.
The change came along with the release this week of the first beta version of iOS 10.2, which gives users access to Unicode 9.0—meaning a whole lot of new and revised emoji. There's an avocado, as well as new profession avatars, like a "rock star." And sadly for many, there's also a new peach.
What will the future of sexting entail without the belovedly Rubenesque peach of yore?
Luckily, the cherries and eggplant remain. We'll have to work with it people—we'll just have to make do.
R.I.P. peach, you tantalizing temptress of texting. You will be missed.