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A Baking Mistake So Bad It Becomes a Supernatural Object of Power

Anything can become an Object of Power if enough people believe.

by Ricardo Contreras
Sep 17 2019, 8:09pm

Image courtesy of Remedy, photoshop by author

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts, you fail. This week, Rob has the misfortune of sharing with us the sad tale of the Krummetses. A humble bread/pastry (breastry? Pastread?) born of misunderstandings and faulty equipment. Luckily, Patrick has had a little more luck with The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, one of the weirder 2D Zelda games, finally dropping on Switch this week. Austin and Cado have been playing (surprise surprise) two new roguelike deckbuilders, Meteorfall: Krumit's Tale and Signs of the Sojourner, and Rob is still finding new surprises in Control. You can read an excerpt and listen to the full episode below.

Cado: It's called Meteorfall: Krumit's Tale, because it's actually a sequel to an iOS game.

Patrick: Crumits?

Cado: Krumit's

Austin: Krummets

Patrick: C-R-M? U?

Cado: No, K-R-U-M-I-T apostrophe S.

Patrick: "Aw krummets!" Krummets seems like a thing you say when you stub your toe.

Austin: I think Krummets is the name of the food that Rob made at the top of this podcast. Just made a nice pile of Krummets!

Cado: Yeah, baking some Krummets!

[laughter][Rob shifts dramatically in his seat]

Patrick: Wow, the way Rob moved after you said that!

Austin: I didn't mean – I didn't know it would hurt!

Patrick: There are Rob [reactions] where he rolls his eyes, he just kinda shifts in his seat. That one was like a full move back. Like it hurt!

Austin: I'm sorry Rob! I love you!

Patrick: You used an object of power on Rob just now.

Austin: It was not meant as an insult, I just thought it was a funny word! I'm sorry!

Patrick: Actually, Rob, if we imbue the Krummets with enough–

[Rob stands up and leaves]

Austin: Oh no Rob's leaving!

Patrick: He took his headphones off!

Austin: Please!

Patrick: Rob's gonna pour himself a drink. This happens sometimes on the podcast.

Austin: Bring me some Krummets!

Cado: I'd love a Krummet right now!

Austin: I'd love to eat a Krummets! It's a singular Krummets. Multiple Krummetses, like a Charles Dickens character!

Cado: Krummi?

Patrick: A flock of Krummets?

[Rob re-enters the frame]

Austin: "Good day, sir, it's me!"

Rob: I'm sending you a picture of my Krummets and you're going to tell me how beautiful they are.

[laughter]

Patrick: Wow! Rob you know–

Rob: If there's one thing I've learned from Claire Saffitz is that you deserve praise for your efforts, and by god people are gonna fucking give them to you! I'm don't care how busy you are Adam Rapoport! You are going to praise me, you son of a bitch!

Patrick: Wow, let's get Rob his participation trophy, here we go.

Austin: Oh, oh my god.

Patrick: I mean the way Control works is that if you believe a thing has power, it gains power. So we can give this Krummets power.

Austin: I think– listen, within the year we're gonna have motherfuckers baking their own Krummets. There's gonna be hipster Krummets shops opening in Bushwick.

Patrick: Remedy! Remedy, Remedy, so you're making DLC. Anything could be an object of power. If you're out there listening to this podcast, could you please get Rob to record some sort of voice memo interacting, talking to his sticky Krummets?

Rob: Well they're not sticky anymore. You now have a visual aid to see what I spent my weekend making.

Austin: I'm gonna take a look. Where is this?

Patrick: Oh you post it? In podcasts?

a photo of a series of flat failed english muffins on a cooling rack.
Photo courtesy of Rob Zacny.

Austin: You know what?

Patrick: Those look like bricks of cheese.

Austin: I can see–

Rob: There's a saganaki quality to a couple of them, yes.

Austin: If I only look at the middle of one of them, I'm like "Oh that's a nice biscuit." Maybe. Not an english muffin, but like a southern biscuit.

Cado: That almost looks like an arepa or a pupusa. At the same time.

Austin: Yeah! But that bottom right one is cheese that's been charred a little bit, for sure. The thing that's wild to me is how different they look from each other, Rob. The one at the top left is almost a pita. It's almost like–

[laughter]

Rob: So, there's a couple things happening. I threw out the first ones.

Cado: You know, what first row, second one. Top row.

Austin: Top, second? That's an english muffin.

Cado: That's an english muffin!

Austin: That's an english muffin.

Cado: That is an english muffin. Surrounded by Krummets.

[laughter]


Discussed: Link's Awakening, Control, Meteorfall: Krumit's Tale, Signs of the Sojourner, Borderlands III, Mutazione, Kind Words, Destiny 2

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