Keep Your Weak Ass Apologies For Your Racist Rants

At first glance, you wouldn’t think Kelly Pocha and Aaron Schlossberg have much in common.

One worked at a car dealership in Cranbrook, British Columbia—a city with 20,000 residents; the other is a New York attorney in commercial law. But it turns out they are both extremely triggered by people speaking other languages around them, which is a roundabout way of saying they both recently went on viral racist rants.

About two weeks ago, a video surfaced of Pocha berating three men at a Lethbridge, Alberta Denny’s. In the clip, she repeatedly accused the customers seated next to her of not being Canadian and not paying taxes, gesturing wildly all the while. “Shut your fucking mouth then, ‘cause you know what? You’re dealing with a Canadian woman right now and I will leap across this table and punch you right in your fucking mouth,” Pocha said at one point.

Then, last week, Schlossberg was caught on video freaking out at staff and customers at a cafe for speaking Spanish, when, in his opinion, “they should be speaking English.”

“My guess is, they’re not documented, so my next call is to [Immigration and Customs Enforcement] to have each one of them kicked out of my country,” Schlossberg said. "If they have the balls to come here and live off my money, I pay for their welfare.” This isn’t the only time he’s been caught being a bigoted dick in public.

Pocha and Schlossberg have faced the consequences of going viral—the former was fired from her job at Cranbrook Dodge, while Yelp reviews of Schlossberg’s law firm are currently a trash fire and he lost his office space. After their rants blew up, they both also issued public apologies that rang so hollow I almost wish they hadn’t bothered.

Let’s deconstruct what Schlossberg had to say, line by line:

“To the people I insulted, I apologize. Seeing myself online opened my eyes—the manner in which I expressed myself is unacceptable and is not the person I am. I see my words and actions hurt people, and for that I am deeply sorry.”

Translation: I’m embarrassed that the whole world caught me being a total asshole.

“While people should be able to express themselves freely, they should do so calmly and respectfully.”

Translation: I secretly still hold this shitty opinion and I’m resentful that i’m being shamed into apologizing for it.

“What the video did not convey is the real me. I am not racist. One of the reasons I moved to New York is precisely because of the remarkable diversity offered in this wonderful city. I love this country and this city in part because of immigrants and the diversity of cultures immigrants bring to this country.”

Translation: I have some black friends who are also lawyers and I like eating butter chicken.

“Again, my sincerest apologies to anyone and everyone I hurt. Thank you.”

Translation: Please stop fucking with my business.

The whole thing actually reads like an exercise in insincerity (he posted it on LinkedIn ffs), but the part that really grinds my gears is the whole “this isn’t the real me” line. If this guy feels ballsy enough to berate a group of people in a crowded cafe in one of the most crowded and yes, diverse, cities in the world, I’m thinking that’s the real him. He wasn’t even drunk (though if he was, drunk words are sober thoughts). Plus, this is part of a pattern of behaviour, as he previously called a man from Massachusetts an “ugly fucking foreigner" when he bumped into him on the street and made anti-Semitic comments towards an Orthodox Jewish man who was in a protest, according to CNN. The fact that he’s a lawyer who threatened to call immigration on the people at the cafe strongly suggest Schlossberg is on a massive power trip. It reminded me of the reports that former New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman told girlfriends he allegedly abused, “I am the law.” To be clear, there is no evidence Schlossberg ever physically assaulted anyone.

Pocha’s apology, if you can call it that, came through an interview with Lethbridge News Now in which she claimed she was drunk and became “provoked” when she heard her fellow Denny’s customers speaking in a language she didn’t know.

“If I could take it back, I would. But I can't,” she said, describing the incident as part of an “off” day. “I even went back to Denny's and apologised to the manager, to the server. I told the manager if I could apologise to the men that were there, I would, for my actions. Because I mean, that's not who I am."

An “off” day is when you screw up a job interview, or bail on the sidewalk while looking at your phone. Violently threatening strangers and demanding that they go back to their country doesn’t fall into the same category. And it’s telling that she mentioned apologizing to Denny’s staff before the men she actually attacked, as if Denny’s was the priority (maybe she eats there a lot, which is a tragedy in and of itself).

The rest of Pocha’s interview was even more revealing, as she spent it defending her actions.

"I normally don't get that angry, I have to get provoked,” she said. “He decided to hit record when I was extremely irritated and heated. You don't see the whole video, you don't see what was said to me, things like that. So yeah, I'm extremely upset about it, cause it's gotten, I think, way out of hand."

She also noted “I don’t know how to handle this kind of attention.” And that’s really the bottom line, it would seem —she’s pissed that she got busted and it’s really the only reason she’s saying sorry.

I’m not entirely sure what makes a “good” apology for acting racist. But I think coming clean is the first step. Be honest—dive deep into those xenophobic views you have and where they’re coming from, cause they aren’t appearing out of thin air. Do NOT pretend that it’s not who are, nobody is buying that. And maybe make a donation to a local grassroots organization that supports immigrants or people of colour. And then read a book. But if you can’t do any or all of those things, it’s probably best to do what you should have done in the first place and shut the fuck up.

Follow Manisha Krishnan on Twitter.

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