2010 In Bannings

Like most years, the best way to define 2010 in a historical context is to look at what it didn't allow to exist any more. That annual list of 'banished words' has just been released by some self-important Yank university, depleting the argots of unimaginative pricks everywhere.

WORDS AND PHRASES THAT ARE NOT ALLOWED ANY MORE

- 'Viral'
- 'Epic'
- 'Facebook' and 'Google' (when used as verbs)
- 'Wow factor'
- 'Fail'
- 'Live life to the fullest'
- 'The American People'
- 'I'm just sayin''
- 'Refudiate' (sic)
- 'Mama grizzlies'
- 'Man up'
- 'A-ha moment'
- 'Back story'
- 'BFF'

Admittedly around half those words only ever come out of American mouths, so no doubt the wanton awarding of 'legendary' statuses and references to 'treacherous' weather will no doubt continue to plague 'the public life' of 'Britons' 'unabated'. Here are five things that won't.

CHRIS BROWN

Back in June, someone in the Home Office's visa application department decided that Chris Brown wasn't allowed to visit the UK or Ireland, which forced the cancellation of a few shows and is maybe why he sounds like he's never met anyone from either of those places. Seems no one was gonna let the world forget about this picture, including Rihanna's songwriters and stylists who were intent on making her pretend that getting beat up turned her on, when they should have been coming with more of these mankillers.

An enemy of: Rihanna's face, gentlemanly conduct.

Predecessors: Snoop Dogg, Ike Turner, Sonny Bono.

The message: Don't hit girls.

MUSLIMS

The UK government decided it didn't want Islamic lecturers Dr Bilal Philips and Zakir Naik speaking to its students.

An enemy of: Serenity, consensus, boredom.

Predecessors: The Luftwaffe, Gandhi, Geert Wilders.

The message: Don't mention the Holy War.

MEPHEDRONE

Remember when 2010 was going to be the year of 'MKAT'? It wasn't, and obviously that's a good thing, but those who knew it intimately probably still do – the stuff was so cheap and flung around so liberally that every time I vacuum the carpets in my house the whiff of it emerges from the hoover bag like a ghost that's pissed itself.

An enemy of: Dignity, monogamy, grace, sobriety, cleanliness, better, more expensive drugs and productive Saturday afternoons.

Predecessors: Every other drug you're not allowed to take.

The message: No one should be that focused on getting laid when they smell like urine.

ANTI-MUSLIMS

No one seems to want Terry Jones here, not even the EDL.

An enemy of: Serenity, consensus, boredom.

Predecessors: The Luftwaffe, Geert Wilders.

The message: Don't mention the Holy War.

BLANK NINTENDO CARTRIDGES

A 6-year-old kid with a penchant for making illegal copies of Super Happy Dog Party II must have done something to annoy one Justice Floyd, as the High Court judge bowed to industry pressure and made blank, Nintendo-compatible games cartridges illegal. That's the UK justice system, hurling Lego bricks into the tidal wave of global piracy.

An enemy of: Mario, Luigi, Bowser and all those other Nintendo fags.

Predecessors: Cameras that enjoy going to the cinema and live sporting events, CFC cans, 'home taping'.

The message: Go outside, run around.

It's been a fun year, see you this time next year when we're trying to figure out how to live without free speech, youth culture and wanking.

TERRENCE TRENT DIABY