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This Week in Racism

This Week in Racism - A New Hampshire Cop Called President Obama the N-Word and Won't Apologize

An 82-year-old police commissioner in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, was caught calling President Obama the N-word in public. He admits everything and refuses to apologize.

by Dave Schilling
May 16 2014, 3:45pm

Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of one to RACIST, with “one” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

–82-year-old shitbag Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, police commissioner Robert Copeland joins Donald Sterling in the "crazy old white man getting caught saying horrible things in public" hall of fame. A new resident to the sleepy northeastern town overheard Copeland say, "No, because whenever I do I'll have to see that fucking nigger," when asked if he watches the news. "That fucking nigger" happens to be the President of the United States.

Copeland doesn't deny what he said and has no intention of ever apologizing. He told his colleagues in an email, "I believe I did use the 'N' word in reference to the current occupant of the Whitehouse. For this, I do not apologize—he meets and exceeds my criteria for such."

This, of course, begs the question of what Robert Copeland's criteria are for being a nigger. Here's a guess at what they are:

  • Being black
  • Being black
  • Being black
  • Confusing hand gestures
  • Being black
  • General uppity-ness
  • Being black
  • Looking at my wife's calves for longer than five seconds
  • Unregulated office horseplay
  • Being black
  • Hippy-hop music
  • Wearing pants with a waistline below the belly button
  • Being black
  • Seriously, stop looking at my wife

Copeland has refused requests for interviews thus far, so I suppose we'll just have to continue speculating. RACIST

–Next time the ice cream man shows up in your neighborhood to peddle his sickly sweet wares, remember the above song. Southern California public radio station KPCC dug up a classic romantic slow jam called "Nigger Love A Watermelon Ha! Ha! Ha!" It happens to share a tune with the instrumental that just about every reputable ice cream truck plays when it goes trolling for customers. The lyrics wax poetic about the black man's love of watermelon, which the singer calls the "colored man's ice cream." Speaking from personal experience, the colored man's ice cream is ice cream. Ice cream, like Will Smith, hip-hop, and syphilis, transcends race.

Not sure how this is going to affect the ice cream truck business, but if they can deal with the whole child molestation thing, they'll be fine. RACIST

–Seniors at South Forsyth High School in Forsyth County, Georgia, unfurled the above banner on the side of their school as a prank. The banner, which features the lyric "Nigga, We Made It," was quickly taken down and the administration issued a strongly worded apology. The full banner helpfully included the hashtag suggestion "#2k14," in case you wanted to get involved with this wacky prank on Twitter. Who wouldn't? Pranks are awesome, as evidenced by the movie National Lampoon's Animal House, old Jerky Boys records, and this cool Michael Myers mask that Nicole Kidman wore to the Cannes Film Festival. #2K14 just might be the Year of Pranks we've all been waiting for! We're coming for you, Crusty Old Dean4

The Most Racist Tweets of the Week: