Minnesota Finally Made It Illegal to Sneak Your Bodily Fluids into Somebody’s Food or Drink
Lawmakers decided to step in after a guy got caught ejaculating into his co-worker's coffee cup last year.
Photo via Flickr user Ken Bosma
In August 2014, a Minnesota woman named Pat Maahs caught her co-worker ejaculating into her coffee cup. Apparently, every once in a while over the course of about six months, Maahs noticed that her coffee tasted a little off—maybe the milk she poured in it was sour, she thought, or she'd just made a bad batch. But one day, she came back to her desk at a department store in New Brighton and saw her co-worker, Robert Lind, standing over her desk with his dick in his hand.
"That's when I put it all together," Maahs later told CBS. "That's what I was actually tasting in my coffee from previous occasions."
Lind confessed to ejaculating all over Maahs' desk several times—including directly into her coffee cup—and said that he'd done it to try to impress his co-worker.
Even with the confession, Lind was not charged with a sex crime—a judge found that, according to state law, Lind couldn't be convicted of criminal sexual conduct because he didn't actually touch his victim or ejaculate directly onto her. He wound up pleading guilty to misdemeanor indecent exposure.
Following the Lind and Maahs coffee saga, Minnesota lawmaker Debra Hilstrom realized that the Minnesota law was sorely in need of a retooling. Hilstrom spearheaded a bill to makes putting any bodily fluids into food or beverages—blood, semen, vaginal fluid, urine, human shit, you name it—a punishable crime, and said bill will finally go into effect as law on August 1. Minnesotans will have to stop pissing and spitting into each other's food or face jail time and a maximum fine of up to $3,000.