Australia Was Shocked at Mark Latham's 74th Meltdown

"Meltdown spells end to Mark Latham's media career" intoned The Australian back in August.

"Although the Nine Network and Mr Latham yesterday refused to comment on their negotiations to include the former Labor leader in a new late-night talk show hosted by Karl Stefanovic," reported Sharri Markson, "media executives said he was unlikely to find another job in the industry."

Last night, Mark Latham debuted on Channel Nine's "The Verdict", a new late-night talk show. Although appearing in a Channel Nine panel show could reasonably considered to be the end of a media career, we doubt that's what Markson meant.

Mark Latham, the one-time Labor leader who helped steer the party into a nearby ocean on behalf of his rival, eleventy-term Prime Minister John Howard, has been a boon to Australian journalists and commentators whose editors won't let them write about Donald Trump.

When Mark Latham came out against Rosie Batty, it was merely the latest in a long line of fumbles for attention from a man aware he'd been consigned to the landfill of history. Batty, a victim of domestic violence whose young son had been murdered by her ex-partner, had turned her tragic story into a call to action. She had met with politicians and activists, spoken at events, and had led the campaign to bring the issue of domestic violence to the forefront of the national conversation. You wouldn't think "Sure, but what's the OTHER side of that story?", but then you're not Mark Latham*.

The outrage generated by Latham's piece led to him leaving his position as columnist at the Australian Financial Review, where he was immediately replaced by half a brick resting on top of a keyboard.

Latham continued to entertain with a Twitter meltdown and then a public meltdown. And just when he thought he'd hit rock bottom, Channel Nine gave him a show.

"The Verdict" is Channel Nine's answer to the ABC'S "Q&A", with the question presumably being "hey, can we make this format any more simplistic and devoid of substance?" It's all the joy of watching people scream at each other without the hassle of standing in a train station at 1am on a Saturday.

If Nine wanted headlines and outrage and stories they could generate about how shocked everyone was by Latham's performance, then they rather predictably got exactly what they wanted.

Latham's analysis, which had all the depth of slightly damp concrete, revealed that Sydney had a "Muslim problem", recommending that ASIO monitor groups of "welfare dependents" who sit around "bitching about Western culture" all day. That such insight qualified Latham for a panel show, instead of, say, being left on hold after calling a 2GB talkback show, is not particularly shocking.

Latham gave Nine their money's worth, spewing forth more quotable gems. He said he loved Donald Trump and would vote for him if he could (because he's against "political correctness"). He suggested mental illness was imagined. He complained that we'd had five Prime Ministers in five years, but failed to praise Australia for making sure he wasn't one of them.

And yet the thing I keep coming back to is the suggestion from Sharri Markson—who actually writes about the media for a living—that Latham's career was over back in August. It's surprisingly naïve given how quick we are to reward anyone who manages to scream anything into a microphone. Latham never scored so many headlines as leader than he is now, so what incentive did he have to stop? And what incentive does Channel Nine have to exercise caution and NOT feature the person that everyone's talking about, and every hack is writing think pieces ab—oh Christ, I'm part of the problem.

Is it on us? Are we really to blame for encouraging all this? We breathlessly repeat every stupid opinion out of his stupid mouth, but how can we resist? Can we really be held responsible when a man we nearly (sort of) made Prime Minister turns into someone you'd throw peanuts at if you saw him at a carnival?

We're naturally inclined to take notice when outrageous people get caught up in the media's game of one-upmanship. But it has to plateau at some point, and "The Verdict" is undoubtedly that plateau. People crane their necks around for a look at a car accident, but they don't come back each week to look at the same accident.

So relax. We've reached Peak Latham. The only possible way we we're going to keep hearing about him is if he does one of the following:

• Forms a vigilante group to physically take down terrorist/welfare threats, and creates a signature move which is falling down some stairs.
• Writes a book in the style of OJ Simpson's "If I Did It". Maybe even that exact book but with his name.
• Marries Geoffrey Edelsten.
• Becomes the next Bachelor or contestant on "The Bachelorette".
• Literally brings a gun into the "Verdict" studio and shoots the ceiling whilst screaming "white rage".

The fairly obvious lesson is that saying something simplistic and offensive doesn't actually end your career: it's usually what gets you one. Being completely boring and having nothing new to offer is what actually ends your career, and this is basically where Latham is right now. So long as we stop talking about him.

* If you are reading this, Mr Latham, that last statement does not actually apply to you. You are indeed Mark Latham. I'm genuinely sorry to have to break that news.

Follow Lee on Twitter

Like VICE on Facebook for more stories like this in your feed: