Before I met a real life financial dominatrix, I was pretty clueless about the ins and outs of fin dom. From what I saw online, it looked like you could just sit at a laptop, talk shit to men over the internet, and get paid. It came off like sex work that didn't require you to have sex or work. Even though I'm trying to live my life like a independent black women who has her own money, I couldn't help asking myself, Why isn't every girl doing this? Why aren't I doing this? Back then, I could just see myself as a fin domme: chilling at home in front of my computer, telling businessmen halfway across the world that they're pieces of shit while wearing some comfy sweats from the waist down and going-out gear from the waist up. Then, I'd take that money and go ball out on brunch and text my friends emoticons of painting nails and dollar signs with captions like, "Another hard day at the office, bitches!"
But after hosting VICE's latest documentary, Cash Slaves, and exploring the world of this niche BDSM scene, I learned that there's a whole lot more to the financial domination game than meets the eye. Being a fin domme is definitely not easy money.
I met my first financial dominatrix down in Knoxville, Tennessee. She goes by the name Mixtrix. She doesn't take any crap from any man and lives life the way she wants. Case in point, in addition to a few cats, she's also got a live-in cash-slave who obeys her every command and gives her all of his money. His name is Stevo and he's her fucking bitch. Being a financial dominatrix with a live-in sub definitely ensures a steady stream of cash, but it also means you're almost always at work. To do that shit, you have to love dominating, it has got to be in your DNA, and that's exactly the case with Mixtrix.
I told Mixtrix about my original perception of fin dom, and she thought it was hilarious. To get a taste for the real fin-dom life, she let me sit in and watch her do one of her "draining sessions." Despite my naive notions that fin dommes don't get mired in the cummy cocks that go hand in hand with other forms of sex work, it wasn't long in the draining session before I bore witness to a veiny boner on Mixtrix's monitor that was being strangled with ten rubber bands and pinched by several clothes pins. Based on the commands of Mixtrix, the owner of this penis kept slapping his poor thing. Then he squeezed Icy Hot athlete's cream down its pee hole.
It was excruciating just to watch. The penis itself was practically begging for mercy, while its owner was begging for permission to beat up his boner even more. The whole draining session lasted about 20 minutes and was a demeaning reward to a sub for giving Mixtrix a cool $50. She was pretty pleased with the session, as was the the guy with the pained penis. That's when I realized that I could never do this line of work—it was a bit too real. And just like that, all of my dreams of shopping trips and boozy brunches paid for with my easy fin-domme dollars were shattered by the visceral image of a sub's mangled cock.
Of course, like snow flakes, every sub is different. There are a lot of ways subs can transfer their power to their dommes through cold hard cash. Some subs will just give them money without even being asked and expect nor further interaction, because they simply get off on paying tribute to a goddess. Other subs will build a relationship with their domme over a long period of time, in which the domme will treat them like a human ATM, constantly telling them to give up more and more money. The escalating nature of this causes hardship on the sub's finances, which turns them on even more. Since the dommes are in control, the subs won't even do things like masturbate without their fin domme's permission, which usually only comes after they've made a tribute. Some subs even have contracts with dommes that involve blackmail if they stop paying on a regular basis. It's a grimy game, but it's consensual.
What that battered boner made clear to me is that to be a fin domme, it's not enough to have an internet connection and a vagina. Although there are definitely men out there who get their rocks off just by giving women money, the real fin dommes who are making more than new heels money are a part of the BDSM community and live lives immersed in domination. Sure, they'll take all of a dude's money and laugh at him while he's eating ramen noodles for dinner if that's what will get him to bust a nut—but they'll also command a dude to cut the circulation off of his dick until it practically needs to be amputated.
Also, being a fin domme is serious business. While most of us are at home flicking our beans, popping our pimples in a magnifying mirror, and eating whole baguettes, these fin dommes are out there hustling their asses off. To make it as a financial dominatrix, you can't be some latex-wearing Carrie Bradshaw who sits down to tap away at her laptop once a week to demand money from some randos on the internet. You're on call 24/7. Even if you don't have a live-in slave, you have thirsty-ass clients all over the world in different time zones who want your attention. If you want to eat, you've got to tend to them. If you don't, another domme will snap them up. Not to mention, these ladies are like sexy accountants. They have to be super savvy about money to conduct their business. Whether it's keeping track of "cum tax" or negotiating a payment schedule, these girls have to do a whole lot of bookkeeping, which... come on. Bookkeeping? Just typing that word made my pussy dry.
Sex workers work, and fin dommes work hard. I'm not sure why it's so easy for us to forget that. But this is a career that can only be had by those who've paid their BDSM dues and are willing to grind day in and day out. It's like a gold retirement watch you get at the end of a long career of being a kick-ass domme. And it's something I could never do. I'll keep my day job and leave the hard work that looks easy to the professionals.
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