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China Just Banned Women from 'Erotically' Eating Bananas on Camera

The People's Republic of China has now pressured Chinese streaming services into banning the act of eating bananas "in an erotic manner."

by Alex Swerdloff
May 11 2016, 7:00pm

Foto via Flickr-brugeren Benjamin Ellis

True freedom—the kind worth making bumper stickers about—isn't measured by one's ability to say whatever they like in the face of fierce opposition. Nor is it about the ability to freely and safely travel wherever one pleases. The true barometer of freedom is and will always be one's ability to readily find an unending supply of bizarre and surreal things to masturbate to on the Internet. What in the hell else could the Founding Fathers have had in mind?

Sadly, China's population of more than one billion people no longer have access to that quintessential element of freedom. As it turns out, the People's Republic of China has now pressured Chinese streaming services into banning the act of eating bananas "in an erotic manner."

According to state-run CCTV News, China's government has effectively banned cam girls and livestreaming netizens from "seductively eating bananas" on camera. The push to stem the tide of inappropriate web content comes after China's Ministry of Culture announced last month that the majority of streaming services operating in the Middle Kingdom were under investigation for the content they were found to be hosting.

The newly created regulation requires all livestreaming services to monitor the streams they host 24/7 for offensive content. A wholly unrealistic demand, considering not only how many people stream every single day, but also that a livestream is indeed live and can't possibly be pre-vetted before being released. How they hope to ensure that stream hosts don't "eat bananas seductively," is unclear, but it might be easier to just entirely rid China of the scourge that are bananas.

While the move might seem ridiculous to most, the webcam streaming industry in China is currently going through a massive growth spurt. One of China's largest streaming services, YY, claims that it has over 120 million active users. Zhang Qige—a 23-year-old woman who is known for streaming footage from video games—claims to earn more than $150,000 a year from her streams.

There's no word if the mandate might eventually be expanded to include other fruits.

Somebody needs to let Chiquita know about this shit, STAT.

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Ministry of Culture of the People's Republic of China