Being Drunk on Your Front Porch Doesn't Count as Public Intoxication, Says Iowa Supreme Court

There's truly no better way to spend an afternoon than by getting completely shitfaced and idly watching the world drift by via your front porch—as we're positively certain any and all seersucker-clad Southern gentlemen and the occasional rocking chair fanatic can attest.

But until now, it has been unclear whether doing so might land you in an Iowan jail. That's because in Iowa, it is not only illegal to drive under the influence, but also to be drunk in a public place. And Iowans had no way of knowing whether getting lit on their front porches would end in incarceration. In fact, that's exactly what happened to a woman named Patience Paye: She was arrested for being hammered on her front porch.

Back in 2013, Paye called the police to report a domestic violence incident. When the cops showed up, Paye told them that she and Kendrall Murray had gotten into an altercation over whether she should be allowed to drive the car. Murray told the police that Paye punched him in the eye because he told her not to drive. To protect himself, he inadvertently scratched her, he said. The police decided Paye was in fact the aggressor—although charges of domestic assault were later dropped—and took a breath sample. Paye failed, with blood alcohol levels in two separate tests of .267 and .264, and was arrested. In Iowa, blood alcohol levels of .08 are verboten in certain circumstances.

The Supreme Court of Iowa has now clarified what those circumstances are. Iowa's law says public intoxication is not allowed in "any place, building or conveyance to which the public has or is permitted access." The question came down to whether the front steps of Paye's residence is a place where the "public has or is permitted access." Paye argued that she should not have faced public intoxication charges because she had not invited the public into her home, she had just called the cops.

At trial, the judge didn't buy her argument and she was found guilty.

On appeal, though, the case made its way up to the Iowa Supreme Court, which ruled last month that the front steps and porch to Iowan homes are not "a public place."

As the judge's opinion states, "If the front stairs of a single-family residence are always a public place, it would be a crime to sit there calmly on a breezy summer day and sip a mojito, celebrate a professional achievement with a mixed drink of choice, or even baste meat on the grill with a bourbon-infused barbeque sauce—unless one first obtained a liquor license. We do not think the legislature intended Iowa law to be so heavy-handed."

Somewhere out there, a rocking chair is weeping tears of joy. Iowans are now free to be completely trashed on their front steps. Just don't wander down the street.