What I Learned Listening to Every Episode of Cory Bernardi's Podcast

For the past three months, renegade South Australian Senator and bon vivant Cory Bernardi has been quietly producing his own podcast. And to think I'd been wasting my time with This American Life.

I decided to have a listen. Whatever I was in for, I knew it wouldn't be boring. Cory Bernardi is perhaps Australia's most, um, "outspoken" politician—a vocal denier of climate change who would love to ban the burqa. You might also remember he was forced to resign as Abbott's parliamentary secretary in 2012 after comparing gay marriage to bestiality. In short, Cory Bernardi and I see the world in very different ways.

In one horrific marathon session, I binge listened to all 12 episodes Bernardi has released so far. The podcast started back in September, so I had to re-experience all the devastating stuff that's happened during the final months of this year 2016—except through an even more dystopian lens.

I definitely learned a lot.

Cory Bernardi's podcast is called "The Common Sense Podcast" and, boy, he does not let you forget it. Even though many of the issues he covers are extremely contentious, Cory still labels his far-right opinions as "basic common sense." He lives in a world where no one could possibly disagree that Australia's takes in too many immigrants, or that Parliament should take the same sex marriage issue off the table. These podcasts are for those who are already converted to his way of thinking.

Bernardi repeated the common sense line so many times that, a few episodes in, it'd lost whatever meaning it originally had. Bernardi could have said that taking off your clothes and running around Parliament House nakedly screaming "CLOSE THE BORDERS" was common sense, and I wouldn't have noticed. I was lulled into a common sense coma by episode two.

The marriage equality debate in Australia is characterised by intolerance and hatred. At least, according to Cory Bernardi—a heterosexual married man who has been personally victimised by same sex marriage advocates.

"The only hate speech that has been coming forward is people who are so intolerant of those who aren't on the 'yes' side of the debate," he says in relation to the Coalition's doomed plebiscite bill. "The intolerance on the other side is extraordinary."

In a fun twist, Cory recorded the majority of the podcasts from New York City, on secondment to the United Nations headquarters. It is clear that he loves the Big Apple—a regular Taylor Swift, the guy has swapped his country roots (Bernardi is from Adelaide) for the big smoke made famous by Carrie Bradshaw and Rudy Giuliani.

I don't want to get all my taxpayer dollars!! about this, but also don't really get why it's a thing to send Cory Bernardi, Coalition backbencher, to "observe" a bunch of diplomats for months at a time. It basically sounded like he was doing an internship. Still, Bernardi's holiday certainly added a bit of colour to the podcast. Especially during US election season, which brings me to my next point.

You might want to take a seat for this one. Cory Bernardi, a man whose perspective I could easily describe as "limited" and "dangerously misinformed," was able to do what the liberal media did not—predict Donald Trump's election win. In fact, his commentary on the US election, especially with the added context of being placed in New York City, is extraordinarily savvy.

Weeks ahead of the shock result, Bernardi seemed confident of a Trump victory. "People here feel that politics has left them behind," he noted. "I have a sneaking suspicion that Donald Trump might be the next president of the United States." He also said that "Make America Great Again" is a "fantastic slogan," musing that "it seems to resonate with people out there."

Bernardi doesn't explicitly state his support for Donald Trump in the podcasts, but it's clear which candidate he favours. Hint: the guy who wants to reverse Roe v Wade. While he paints Trump as a kind of anti-establishment rebel, he says Clinton is "the ultimate insider."

According to Cory, "the fact that Trump is even getting close [to victory] says that politics as usual is dying". Well, yeah. Show me the lie. These days I feel like a lot of once-cherished institutions are dying. Democracy, feminism, the Grammys. Sometimes I feel a bit like I am dying too, and then realise I'm just reading The Australian. When I put the paper down, the numbness sets in again.

One of my favourite sound bites from the entire podcast series involves a long-winded allegory that explains how and why capitalism works. It is so nonsensical that it becomes difficult to argue with. In fact, it is literally too stupid for me to relay here, but suffice to say it involves a high rise office building, a palace owned by a Romanian dictator, and a hospital in Adelaide.

When he talks about capitalism, Cory's voice is much deeper than normal, for reasons that go unexplained. I kind of… like it.

You know how Australia's housing market is kind of fucked, and literally so expensive that young people are doomed to rent forever? Capitalist Cory is obviously loathe to blame the forces of the unregulated free market for this phenomenon, so he does the next best thing: blame immigrants.

According to Bernardi's podcast, immigrants have a lot to answer for. Our supposedly tanking economy, national debt, our decreased social cohesion, and our lowered standards of living. Basically everything—it all comes down to immigrants, and especially those who were former refugees. If we must have immigration, Cory preaches, it "has to be in the national interest." I'm surprised he doesn't blame immigrants for climate change, although he does dedicate one entire podcast to how renewable energy is a hoax.

At no point does he mention that he is the son of Italian immigrants.

Most people, I think, will find it hard to agree with Cory Bernardi. His views, even if you happen to err on the side of conservatism, are niche. Which is why it's easy to make fun of him and his incredibly sincere/remarkably deluded podcast.

Still, though. As I delved deeper into Bernardi's twisted brain, I couldn't help but feel a tiny, weird amount of something that (at least slightly) resembled respect. I'll say this about him: Cory sticks to his guns. You know where he stands.

Bear with me here. How often do Australian politicians display any strength whatsoever in their convictions? Can you honestly say for sure what it is that Malcolm Turnbull actually believes? I don't think I've detected a note of sincerity in anything our Prime Minister has said over the past year. He is so faceless that I actually forget what he looks like, sometimes. Cory Bernardi has a face, and more importantly a mouth—which he used to record this podcast, and rob me of several hours of my life I will never get back.

He might love Trump, but Bernardi isn't a demagogue in the way the incoming US President is. Terrifyingly, he was elected on a platform of loving capitalism and hating equal rights for gay people…and that's exactly what he's doing.

I guess I can see the common sense in that.

Follow Kat on Twitter