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Food by VICE

Don't Mix Viagra with Chinese Moonshine

Chinese authorities have arrested a man for mixing Viagra with baijiu, a fiery distilled spirit, to help his customers regain some strength in the downstairs department. But you're better off sticking with snake wine, probably.

by Munchies Staff
Aug 19 2014, 8:15pm

Photo via Flickr user The Gonger

Infused booze has a long history in China, where bottles of rice wine are often stuffed with whole snakes that are thought to impart healing properties to the beverage. In traditional Chinese medicine, snake wine can help heal everything from rheumatoid arthritis to leprosy.

But why fuck with snakes when we've got the miracle of modern science? Recently, a Chinese businessman decided to sidestep a couple millennia of all-natural pharmacology in favor of that little blue pill that makes heads pop up the world 'round: Viagra.

Chinese authorities arrested the man, who was only identified as Huang, for mixing Viagra with baijiu, a white liquor that's often made from sorghum. The very finest of this fiery Chinese moonshine can reach 120 proof, smells like paint thinner, and is often infused with herbs and animal bits.

Huang owns a baiju distillery in China's Hubei Province, where he added powdered pills of sidenafil to bottles of his product. According to the People's Daily, he bought a kilogram of sidenafil online for 2,400 yuan (about $390), with which he was able to produce 750 liters of highly potent baiju. He then sold more than 1,000 small bottles of the stuff at 30 yuan each (about $4.88) to customers in Wuhan and Jianshi County, while he gifted 810 bottles to friends.

We know what you're thinking: Where's the harm, outside of the potential for painful priapism, chest pain, and sudden vision loss?

Well, according to the almost certainly trustworthy ViagraAdvice.org—it's a whole organization!—the alcohol itself isn't doing anyone any favors in the downstairs department: "It has already been proved by earlier research that alcohol has a negative effect on natural erections. Therefore, taking Viagra with alcohol would likely lead to decreased effectiveness of the medication."

While there might not be anything immediately wrong with mixing boner pills and booze—surely this is a common combo—alcohol does lower inhibitions, and suddenly being the owner of a chemically enhanced gravy-maker certainly won't stop a slobbering drunk from aggressively dry-humping a less-than-willing floor mop or dairy yak. Or, you know, a person.

The real problem is that elderly folk in need of a little help with their nuts and bolts might have underlying cardiovascular issues that could be adversely affected by imprecise amounts of a powerful drug. And God knows where Viagra purchased online even comes from anyway. It's probably just a mix of Comet and Kool-Aid.

If you're desperate for a throbbing erection, stick to snake wine. Or visit, like, a doctor?