Image: YouTube screengrab
Ever eaten a salad and thought "wow, this lettuce is nice, but I sure wish it gave me a buzz, too?" Well, wonder no longer: CaffeinAll is here to turn anything and everything into an Energy Food™.
Powdered caffeine has been around for a minute, but CafeinAll, a new product from the folks over at Caffex (who brought us caffeinated marshmallows), promises to be something different. The particularly brazen idea, essentially, is to turn all foods into Red Bull replacements.
Let Caffex explain. No, really. Let them explain from the beginning, like the, very beginning. The product's explanatory video literally starts with the line "this is Earth," which you'll learn is a planet where a type of living thing known as humans live and have created something known as the internet. You might have heard of it. And now, humans not unlike those who created the internet and skyscrapers have also created "the world's only odorless, non bitter, take-with-you-anywhere, use with anything caffeine powder."
"Now any of your foods or drinks can become high powered energy foods," as opposed to being that stamina-sapping waste of time you've grown used to.
Here, I've done some math:
- Strawberry + CaffeinAll = Energy Strawberry
- Marshmallow + CaffeinAll = Energy Marshmallow
- Steak + CaffeinAll = Energy Steak
- Peanut + CaffeinAll = Energy Peanut
- Cocaine + CaffeinAll = Moderation
- Palcohol + CaffeinAll = Big No-No ("NEVER Mix Caffeine and Alcohol!" Caffex explains)
"You know what the cool thing about energy drinks is? You get energy! You know what sucks? You spend a small fortune on these beverages and are usually left with a cracked out sugar hangover and upset stomach," a publicity firm for Caffex said to me in an email. "Want energy popping pancakes in the morning? Energy infused granola bars? Want to see your lunch salad take off like a rocket? How about a protein shake guaranteed to motivate your ass at the gym? All of this is possible with CaffeinAll."
You get the idea.
CaffeinAll isn't even a new thing—it has been around since last year, but the goal of selling this in a salt shaker is a new idea. The company has launched an IndieGoGo campaign to help them with the new packaging. And, to be fair, Caffex isn't the only company trying to find new ways to get you to take caffeine. Remember that caffeinated toothbrush patent? And there's any number of others ways to get your fix.
In any case, literally advocating that people turn anything they want into that thing + caffeine seems somehow, I don't know, crazy?
And, really, why mess with putting it on food at all? It's an odorless white powder, and caffeine goes "directly to your bloodstream" as one of its creators, "Steve," explains in the video. What happens if you snort it?
"It would wake your ass up immediately," the company's spokesperson told me.
When eating it, "one shake does the trick for a lot of people. But, if you're a deadline driven writing rockstar who is used to consuming large amounts of caffeine than it might take two or three shakes. Start with one," he told me. "I would wait on the snorting."
Anyways, have at it, folks. Be careful out there.