Billy Ray Cyrus, owner of the weiner from which Miley Cyrus emerged and our generation's thinking laureate, has an important announcement: Fuck "Billy Ray." That's right, Cyrus ain't got time for that "Billy Ray" shit no more, motherfucker. He's just "Cyrus" now. You got that, pencildick?You heard right, you sons of bitches, Cyrus told Rolling Stone Country today that he ain't having no more of that hillbilly bullshit and will be legally dropping his first name. Not only that, he ain't even want that pussy-ass name to begin with, but some dumbshit record label jabroni made him use it way back when:
Advertisement
Hell yeah, motherfucker, there's a new Cyrus in town. And this one ain't begging no record executive sissy for nothin', ya heard? So from now on, when you step to Cyrus, you identify him as such. You come correct. Proceed with caution and approach him like a wild bear. You wanna call someone Billy Ray? Go talk to Eddie Murphy's character in Trading Places, dawg. This is Cyrus' house now.Oh, you got something to say, bozo? Tell it to CYRUS as his flowing locks bounce against his shoulders as he rides on this galloping steed into this pristine fade out sequence.Fuck yeah. You still wanna talk shit? Didn't think so, boss. You're in CYRUS Town now."After August 25th, I will be the artist formerly known as Billy Ray. I'm just going by my last name Cyrus," he tells Rolling Stone Country. "I always went by Cyrus, and I begged Mercury Records to call me Cyrus in the beginning because that's what I was comfortable with. I'm going to the hospital where I was born in Bellefonte, Kentucky, and legally changing my name."