Smoking a big doink and wondering what series to start on Netflix? From dramas to cooking competitions to a show about penguin fights, we have some great options for you.
Screenshots via Netflix.
I don’t know if you knew this, but 2 Chainz has a song called “Netflix.” It’s from his 2013 album “B.O.A.T.S. II #MeTime,” and features Fergie. “I smoked a blunt for dinner, another blunt for breakfast,” he raps, “2 Chainz, got 'em staring at my necklace. Let's make a sex tape and put it on Netflix. Let's make a sex tape and put it on Netflix.”
In my opinion, this is great life advice (the smoking-and-watching-Netflix part, not the smoking-and-uploading-homemade-porn-to-Netflix part). If you’re reading this article, chances are you too agree with the sentiment expressed in “Netflix” and are ready to blaze (in a location where it is legal to do so) and stream some good-ass TV.
Instead of just watching Planet Earth for the hundredth time, here are some of the best shows on Netflix (US) to watch while you’re stoned, from dramas to cooking shows to nature shit.
Round Planet is basically Planet Earth if Planet Earth had been written by a bunch of yucksters. Comedian Matt Lucas hosts the show, narrating nature clips as a parody of David Attenborough named Armstrong Wedgewood. Round Planet isn’t just a bunch of cheap laughs; you still get to enjoy the BBC’s spectacular archive of nature footage while laughing your ass off.
Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories is a cozy, poignant show that focuses on the lives of the customers who frequent a late-night diner in Tokyo. Episodes focus on strangers bonding, often over a particular dish. It’s beautiful, and will make you feel something real even after taking the strongest edible.
My coworker Katie told me that this show has “an episode about a hotel in the middle of Kenya where giraffes literally eat guests' breakfast off the table.” What more do you people want?
More often than not, cooking competition shows are way too loud and aggressive to make for a solid stoned viewing experience. Chopped, Iron Chef, and even Cupcake Wars use the same quick cuts and over-dramatic music to keep the audience in suspense, effectively pissing into an already-overflowing sink of clattering, overwrought TV slop. Enter The Great British Baking Show, a calming, cordial, alternative competitive cooking show where a bunch of Brits make pastries in a meadow.
There are dozens of episodes on Netflix from beloved TV painter Bob Ross’s iconic The Joy of Painting, split into two shows for some reason (Bob Ross: Beauty is Everywhere and Chill with Bob Ross) Prep your paints and joints, and then it’s just happy trees, dude. Happy trees.
There are only 3 episodes of Animal Fight Night on Netflix, and they’re all genius. Walrus fights, giraffe scraps, meerkats jawing each other— you name it, this show’s got it.
Netflix’s big-budget original series The Crown is absolutely not what you should watch while high—which is exactly why you should watch it while high. It’s a dark, dreary, historical drama where nothing really happens—in other words, a perfect choice to lull you to sleep after smoking an enormous blunt.
Jane the Virgin is a great watch sober or high, but the show’s moments of magical realism particularly pop when you’ve taken too many dabs and start wondering if you’re alive or dead.
Though it’s not actually directed by Ken Burns, Ken Burns Presents: The West feels like Ken Burns at his Ken Burns-iest. The nine-part documentary is a slow-burning epic packed with folksy stories told by some dude with a really soothing voice. So come on down to the campfire, burn one, and learn how the West was won (spoiler alert: categorically stolen from indigenous peoples).
Netflix doesn’t have the OG Cosmos with Carl Sagan, so the Neil Degrasse Tyson reboot will have to do. In ten episodes, Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey explores topics from the most miniscule molecules to the deepest depths of our universe. There’s also an episode called “A Sky Full of Ghosts.” Dawg.
Already watched everything on this list? I’m impressed. Check out more of VICE’s TV coverage right here.
Feel free to yell at Peter Slattery on Twitter and maybe he'll include your favorite show next time.
Correction 1/12: A previous version of this post misidentified the host of Planet Earth David Attenborough as Richard Attenborough. We regret this error.