It’s the final day of the Worst Wellness Trend of the 2010s Tournament! We’ve made it through Round 2 and Round 3, and lost some good (and by “good,” we mean “bad”) challengers along the way. See you later, hair gummies! Shake Weight, you really gave it your all! The competition is getting tighter, and it’s really anyone’s game at this point.Today will be a series of quick lightning rounds as we move through the quarter-finals, semi-finals, and finals via Twitter polls. (Update: Keto and not vaccinating your children are our finalists.)
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Round 5 (Semi-finals—CLOSED)
Matchup 1
Matchup 2
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Round 4 (Quarter-finals—CLOSED)
Slam some Soylent to fuel up, and then get to voting.Keto—Keto, or the “ketogenic diet,” is a high-fat, low-carb meal plan designed to send the body into a state called “ketosis” and burn up stored fat; it spiked in popularity around 2017. Studies have shown it has benefits for people looking to control neurological disorders like epilepsy. Otherwise, it’s potentially bad for your brain because it deprives it of the glucose it needs to run smoothly. Plus, it’s notoriously hard to sustain. Have you ever gone out to eat while doing keto? It’s almost as bad as going out to eat with someone who’s doing keto.#nodaysoff—Because of our deep aversion to loving ourselves, we closed the decade bragging about #grinding, #nevernotworking, and taking #nodaysoff from our jobs on social media. Come on, bb, let’s get that bread and that engagement! It’s not like the labor movement of the late 19th and early 20th century worked tirelessly to get us weekends, paid time off, the 40-hour week, and other necessary reprieves from capitalism’s clutches or anything!Not vaccinating your children—Being anti-vax is extremely stupid and actively harmful, and is the rare value shared by extremely wealthy liberals and Republicans. People who neglect to vaccinate their kids mostly do so because they’re worried about disproven side effects like autism. Vaccines are so soundly safe and medically advisable, that not believing in them is like thinking chemtrails are what happen when angels fart.Teatoxes—In the early 2010s, there was an explosion of “fit teas” with names like Bootea, Skinny Me Tea, and Flat Tummy Tea. Despite seeming to come out of nowhere, the brands apparently had big enough #sponcon budgets to get into the hands of influencers and A-list celebrities who shamelessly promoted them on Instagram. The teas promised to help you “feel light” or “fight bloat”… thanks to the help of senna, an FDA-approved ingredient that is essentially a laxative. In reality, they either did nothing or made you shit your brains out.
Matchup 1
Matchup 2
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Matchup 3
Matchup 4
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