Food by VICE

This Week in Food Porn: Meringues and Mustard

Here is the best in food photography uploaded to Instagram this week. What a treat.

by Nell Frizzell
Jan 21 2017, 10:00pm

Photo via Flickr user cyclonebill

If I could tell my grandfather that there is a phone app that allows you to share photos of your most delightful, headily edible morsels to the whole Internet, well …

To be honest, I never met the guy, so imagine we'd have a few preliminary questions before we got to the matter of #foodporn. Namely, what it was like being an engineer in a meat works and what sexuality is. But once we got past the social niceties, I like to think that the concept would thrill him beyond words.

Sadly, Grandad will never know the delights of scrolling a butter-smudged finger across your phone screen, absorbing recipe ideas and saliva as you go. But you, you lucky people, can.

So, here is the best in food photography uploaded to Instagram this week. What a treat.

If a circle has twice the diameter of another circle it will also have twice the circumference. This definition of π implicitly makes use of flat (Euclidean) geometry; although the notion of a circle can be extended to any curved (non-Euclidean) geometry. Oh wait, look, is that a tyre matt full of ice cream?

Have you tried our lemon tarts yet ? Visit us now @sprinklesbakeryandmore sector 14,Faridabad

A photo posted by Sprinkles Bakery & More (@sprinklesbakeryandmore) on

Imagine Bez, blissed off his tits, doing the merengue over a table of meringue, shaking his icing maraca like it's 1989 all over again.

If this were a wallpaper, I'd lick it out like Willy Wonka at Bikram yoga. Yes sir, I would.

Rainbow Vegetable Burgers by @wholesomepatisserie Recipe: Vegetable Patties 1 medium purple onion, peeled and roughly chopped Half of 1 large yellow capsicum. diced 1 large corn on the cob, corn removed 2 large spring onion stalks Half of 1 large zucchini, grated Wet Mixture 1 can (400g) chickpeas Half of 1 large avocado, flesh removed 1 large tomato, chopped into quarters 1/2 Tbsp garlic powder 1/2 Tbsp dried Italian herbs 1 tsp ground paprika Salt and pepper, to taste 1 - 1 1/2 cups oat flour 2 Tbsp coconut oil Burger Toppings Store-bought gluten free burger buns Avocado Purple cabbage Onion Leafy greens or herbs In a large mixing bowl, combine all chopped vegetables, mix well and set aside. In a high speed food processor, add all wet mixture ingredients except oat flour and coconut oil, pulse on high until smooth and well blended. Pour mixture into vegetables, mix thoroughly. Add oat flour, half a cup at a time, until mixture holds it's shape when formed into round patties. Keep adding more oat flour until you reach this consistency. In a large fry pan, heat 1 tablespoon coconut oil over high heat. Whilst oil is heating, begin to form large round burger patties and place in pan to cook, small batches at a time as they won't all fit in one pan. Repeat with remaining mixture adding more oil each time. Fry patties until golden brown and crispy on each side, approx. 5-8 minutes. Optional: toast your burger buns under the grill or in a fry pan with a little oil until golden. Place cooked patties into burger buns along with desired toppings. Serve and enjoy! #letscookvegan

A photo posted by Let's Cook Vegan (@letscookvegan) on

At my local cafe—the one where old men sit on wipe-clean seats reading the Racing Post and women in mink-coloured tights chat over frothy coffees—the veggie burger is basically a pea-flecked potato patty in a soft white roll. It's wonderful. But it is very much in the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" category of Instagram lunches.

Overnight proved Pain Blanc: after. #sourdough

A photo posted by Pete Fraser (@petefrasermusic) on

In the words of Julia Child, how can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like Kleenex? Perhaps it's time we all tried to be a little less yanky and a little more Swedish.

This time last week, I was eating porridge out of a plastic cup, recently heated over a butane stove, made using frozen water, on the side of a snow-covered hill in the Yorkshire Dales. It was also vegan.

I don't know why, but I've been looking at that knife and fork for entire minutes. There's something tortuous, threatening about them that makes me want to clench my buttocks together and walk slowly out into the hallway.

Знаете, что по-настоящему ценится в кондитерском мире? Когда прикладываешь минимум усилий, используешь простейшие ингредиенты, понятные, хорошо читаемые вкусы, но в итоге получаешь десерт, который и выглядит нереально и внутри оказывается чем-то неземным в плане вкусов и текстур. Я решил приготовить что-то подобное для вас, а заодно хорошенько погонять по видам меренги и способам их приготовления. В этом десерте у нас цилиндры из французской меренги, а шоколадный крем на основе итальянской. Так что после этого десерта смело можете заявлять, что с меренгой общаетесь исключительно на "ТЫ". Что же у нас получится? Десерт с невероятно долгим сроком хранения, главной характеристикой которого будет слово контраст! Всем нравится меренга за её лёгкость, даже воздушность, и контрастную текстуру. Мы сходим с ума, когда она хрустит и рассыпается на тысячи маленьких кусочков. Наша заготовка - уже настоящее произведение искусства, сколько динамики в этих линиях, а как свет играет с тенями... Если внутрь добавить нежный, гладкий крем с шоколадом - получится совершенно полноценный десерт. Можно дополнить орехами, фруктовыми начинками или кусочками свежих ягод. Вот тогда история заиграет новыми красками и акцентами. А это только база, самое начало. Скажите "До свидания!" киевскому торту и графским развалинам, вы на пороге более современного, нового десерта, который будет вести себя так, как захотите! #ДавайГотовить! Подробный рецепт с фото и шагами на andychef.ru/mbouche

A photo posted by Андрей Рудьков food&travel (@darkzip) on

My Russian isn't what it should be, but I have a feeling that what this caption says is, "Jim, don't punch pudding. Please. I know Mary-Sue has upset you by taking the car keys and I know your hernia is itching but, really, don't take it out on pudding. I made that specially for Nana and she'll know if you've punched it … Oh, Jim!"

Pork, roasted, basted with miso, honey and grain mustard. Pickled pear. Details @obsmagazine 08.01.17

A photo posted by Nigel Slater (@nigelslater) on

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever reach a level of sophisticated maturity where my leaves match my tablecloth. And then I remember that I keep all my clothes in aluminium bins from B&Q and that I water my plants using the plastic refill for the kettle.

January flush of oysters on an old oak. Never say no to that impulse to take a walk in the woods.

A photo posted by Augustus Rushing (@appalachianremedy) on

Some of us are clinging in a fungal miasma onto the edge of a bare-leaved tree, but at least we're staring at the sky.