We Had a Psychic Read the Energies of the Presidential Candidates

Though it's still in its very early stages, the current presidential race is rapidly approaching "dogs and cats living together" levels of mass hysteria and unpredictability. We all thought Joe Biden was going to run, but that didn't happen. We all thought Jeb(!) Bush was going to waltz his way to the Republican nomination, but given his poll numbers that's far from certain. Donald Trump, a man whose entire vibe is essentially "walking wrestling storyline + thinly veiled racism," is the Republican frontrunner, and the guy in close second, the sleepy logic machine that is Ben Carson, has never held political office. And Bernie Sanders, despite being a grouchy, 74-year-old guy from Vermont, is the de facto champion of young radicals everywhere. In order to accurately predict what's going to happen next, you'd basically have to be a psychic.

Luckily, I happen to have the number of a psychic named Don the Love Guru, and he's a damn good one. Don the Love Guru is a seventh-generation psychic clairvoyant empath from India who specializes in "understanding, feeling, and acknowledging others' emotions and intentions," based on "optic range and voice vibrations, as well as crystals, tarot cards, runes, and numerology." Based in the Topanga Canyon area near Los Angeles, Don claims to have a strong connection to life and death—"I actually remember dying in my last lifetime and I can remember being born," he tells me—and excels when conducting readings of a person's energy armed with little more information than their name.

I asked Don about each of the candidates in as neutral a tone as I could muster in order to prevent him from intuiting any positive or negative bias I might have toward a particular candidate. Don internalized each of the names, picking up on the energies that are associated with them, and then conveyed their auras' messages to me.

VICE: Have you been paying attention to the presidential race?
Don the Love Guru: There's a lot of mud slinging. Everyone is gunning for credibility, everybody wants to be absolved of whatever bad they've done. And it's like, "Look at me! I can be president and I can take us out of where we are right now and lead us to better days." But their pasts are uneasy.

What kind of energy does that project into the world?
Insecurity. Insecurity. Harboring something bigger, deeper, more cumbersome.

Do you think that energy is a good foundation to base a presidency off of?
No. Not at all. Not at all. Finger-pointing won't get you anywhere! If anything, I think finger-pointing only says , "OK, yeah, I'm wrong but this is what I think is wrong about you." It's acknowledging what the person was basically accusing him of. Not acknowledging and just laughing it off would actually serve a better purpose. But when you have millions and millions of people watching you for the debate, you know, it's not just about getting the message across.

What is your read on Hillary Clinton?
Power. Power, but also fear. I think that the masses do have an understanding that she could do the job. I think that where her flaw is is that she—what's the word I'm looking for? She's showing that she could be capable of doing everything, but she lost something that Bill had, and I think that's what will hurt her and what the other Democratic candidates are trying to attack. It's her transparency: Why would you have a Blackberry and not link it to a different account? Why did you do this? Why were there lies? Why were there speculations? That's what I really think that they're trying to attack her for.

What about Bernie Sanders?
When you said that name, I felt a chill come up my spine.

Like, a good chill or a bad chill?
Hmmmmmm. I think that it's about experience. I think it's about dedication, and I think it's about intent. What is his true intent?

I don't know his true intent.
Oh, no no no. I was just making a comment in general. When I felt the name, I felt that I'm kind of puzzled about what his true intent is. Is it about helping the United States? Is it about international relations? Those are the things that I'm kind of pondering about with him. I think that he wants recognition and power. I think that he is intelligent. I think there is an amazing mind there, but I think that there are other characteristics that may be lacking.

OK. How about Martin O'Malley?
I have an uneasy feeling. I feel like there is some form of professionalism, but I just feel like he's very obligated. I feel like there is a lot of pressure surrounding this person. So if he does accomplish something, I feel like he owes many people. The problem is that he's running on max, like he's running on all eight cylinders—which is very difficult for him. I don't think it's his year to be president.

And now, we turn to the Republicans. Let's start with Ben Carson.
I just picked up on some honesty, some sincerity. He wants to do something that's going to help mankind. But I feel like he's going to be drowned out. I don't think that his momentum is going to continue.

Tell me your feelings on Jeb Bush.
No. No. No. No. I really feel an ulterior motive. I get this feeling of I have to prove myself. There's a lot of complexity right there. Even though the United States has mixed emotions about the Bush family in general, they did elect them twice.

What about Donald Trump?
[Sighs] I honestly feel that there is nothing but moneymaking ability there. I feel that running a country, he could do it. But he doesn't have the composure to hold his anger in, and I feel that what he has exercised in his professional life, he'll exercise in Libya or Syria, or some parts of the Middle East… and you can't do that.

Talk about negative energy…
Absolutely. He'll put us a in a world war. We'll be the one to launch the nuke, because it'll be a pissing contest.

What about Ted Cruz?
I got a very different vibration when you said this man's name. I felt fresh thoughts, fresh ideas, looking at this with a new mind, looking at this with… almost like it's unadulterated: "This is what I feel and this is what I feel the United States needs to have happen." I'm also picking up on hardships in his past. I do like his vibrations. The only thing that I kind of question—not that it's his fault, though—is experience.

Carly Fiorina.
I picked up on some amazing stuff. She's very articulate. Powerful mind, much more powerful than what people give her credit for. But I feel like she's going to be—I don't want to use the word…no, I don't want to say that. I feel like she's going to lose steam. There's something about her personal life that I think is going to have repercussions. I think that there's some hidden issues that are there. I think that this woman honestly is an amazing being who has been broken and has basically been put back together. But we're all a little broken in some way. I think that the pressures of what is ahead of her will stab her.

Marco Rubio.
I think he's going to try to appeal to immigrants, the people who built the United States. He's going to try to get favor and ride by that favor by saying, "I'm going to give more equality to people. I'm going to make…" But I feel like at the end of the day, is he a bad person? No. But I feel that what is happening to him is, "In order for me to ride this, I have to have more than just the secondary votes. I need mainstream votes." I feel that he's changing. He's saying, "OK, I can't do what I normally would do. Now I have to win the Republican party's acceptance, I have to go with what middle America thinks."

What about Chris Christie?
I've been waiting for you to get to him. My personal vibe I'm not going to throw it out there. Honestly, good person. I think that Chris Christie is actually a hell of a man. I respect him on many levels. I think that he does have the ability to run the country—I really do. But I think that where his problem lies is that he will always rely on this one way of getting things done, and I think that's going to hurt him. That's how people view him and I think that's going to be the issue with him.

And Mike Huckabee?
You know, I felt a very unusual vibration when you said Mike Huckabee. I always forget about him. If he doesn't win, or he doesn't get elected, he will come back and do it again.

Last one: Rand Paul.
He's trying to achieve things that haven't been done before. I do pick up that, in his mind, he has a strange idea of what good morals are. I don't feel they're bad, but I don't know if the United States would accept that. I don't know if the United States would understand that. I think that his idea of what middle America should be is a lot different than what middle America actually is or wants. He'll have issues with people understanding what his vision truly is. I think what he thinks is proper, and right, and safe isn't a bad thing. But I think that he'll have issues basically selling what his vision is.

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