Welcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.
- Last night was the 76th Golden Globe Awards—I watched without headphones on an airplane, so the only reaction I have is that Sandra Oh looked amazing and should have had even more outfit changes—which means this morning the news outlets want us to know that Celebrities Are Just Like Us: They Eat Sandwiches "wrapped in their own plastic packaging." I'm not sure I buy that Melissa McCarthy had to "sneak" the ham sandwiches into the award show or "secretly hand them out" but, sure.
- The red carpet portion of the evening introduced us to Tyra Banks-level smize of the Fiji Water Girl.
Of course she has already been identified and interviewed (my GOD the internet works fast) which was probably the point. I bet all this exposure lands the model-slash-actress from Toronto a role as Hot 30-Something Who Plays A High School Villainess In A CW Show.
- Tell me everything about the self-proclaimed Japanese "Tuna King" who recently set a new record for tuna prices by paying $3.1 million (333.6 million yen) for a giant bluefin in Tokyo.
- It's too soon to start selling anything Easter-adjacent, and besides, Peeps are terrible.
- Florida, please stop assaulting each other with or over food.
Petty food theft is not worth headlines that inevitably make the perpetrators out to be punchlines.
Would love to go to this place with a big group and have everyone take their time deadpanning orders by their full name. "That's one Graduated-High-School-Woohoo, and two Moved-From-Sicily-to-Wonderful-Bologna-Angelo's-First-Time-Living-Away-From-His-Family-s."