The Cops Are Hunting for an Alleged Thief Who Looks Like Ross from 'Friends'
"We have investigated this matter thoroughly and have confirmed that David Schwimmer was in America on this date."
Photo of the alleged thief via the Blackpool Police / Facebook; photo of Schwimmer by Steve Granitz/WireImage
British police are searching for an alleged beer thief, and apparently the only clue they have is that he looks sort of like Ross Geller from Friends.
On Tuesday, cops in the coastal UK town of Blackpool posted a photo of the David Schwimmer look-alike clutching what appears to be a case of beer on Facebook, hoping that someone out there might recognize him.
The masses certainly did—just not for the reason investigators had hoped. People flooded the post with more than 125,000 comments, most of which are just inside jokes from Friends, ranging from allusions to Ross's canonical doppelgänger to the running disagreement about whether or not he and Rachel were on a break when he slept with another woman.
Obviously, the safety of the community should be the cops' first priority, so one commenter warned folks that if the thief's martial arts skills are anywhere near Ross's, they should be careful.
Ross is very familiar with getting in trouble while on a break, so, you know, it only makes sense that this alleged thief would find himself in the same situation.
The show's theme song inspired a whole genre of jokes. Read ahead only if you've made your peace with having "I'll Be There for You" by The Rembrandts stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
Given that Ross's track record for spatial reasoning isn't great—considering he, Chandler, and Rachel couldn't get a couch up their building's spacious staircase—one fan mused that this alleged thief might have some trouble getting his hefty load of loot out of the store.
Whether all this attention will lead to some everyday detective helping the cops track down the alleged beer thief—or, in a more likely scenario, just distract locals from actually finding the real culprit—remains to be seen. Either way, the Blackpool PD is taking the situation pretty seriously, to the point that it actually confirmed Schwimmer couldn't be behind the heist.
"Thank you to everyone for your speedy responses," the cops wrote. "We have investigated this matter thoroughly and have confirmed that David Schwimmer was in America on this date. We're so sorry it has to be this way."
Update (10/24): So Schwimmer definitely didn't steal that beer in Blackpool. He was busy in New York, supposedly doing, uh, this:
Update (10/26): Looks like the cops finally identified Schwimmer's doppelgänger.
(Update 11/13): According to the Lancashire Police, a 36-year-old man believed to be the David Schwimmer lookalike behind the shoplifting has been apprehended in London.Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.