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What It's Like to Date a Scorpio—If You Dare

Whomst can resist??

by Danny Larkin
Oct 18 2018, 3:58pm

Illustration by Cathryn Virginia

"Signs of Love" is a column in which astrologer Danny Larkin breaks down what it's like to date each zodiac sign.

It’s nearly impossible not to fall for a Scorpio. These water signs will first catch your attention with an intense look in their eyes. Then, they’ll purposefully steer from small talk to big talk, intriguing you with dirt on a mutual frenemy, or the latest work gossip if you work in similar industries. Those born under the sign of the scorpion will always find a way to tell you that you’re sexy. It may be a dirty look, or even a sexual joke about your body. You may feel like clutching your pearls for a moment. But then you realize that this Scorpio just wants it to be known how fuckable you are—and how flattering that is.

If you want more than just mind-blowing sex with this intriguing character, may the force be with you during the brave task of wooing a Scorpio.

For a successful date with a Scorpio, don’t try to impress them with a posh interior or predictably luxurious meal like lobster or steak. With this water sign, it’s all about demonstrating your research skills and finding a place that serves dishes no other place does. Pick a restaurant with a chef who cooks with an obscure ingredient or special technique—nothing turns Scorpios on more than discovering well-kept secrets and hidden gems!

When you’re getting dressed for your Scorpio date, remember that they’re the most sexual sign of the zodiac, ruled by the sex-hungry planet Mars. Pick an outfit that entices their eyes, and an intriguing, musky scent over floral or citrus. It might also benefit you to wear an accessory with a cryptic spiritual symbol, since Scorpios dig the esoteric. And wear anything that makes your ass look good—frisky scorpions will absolutely be watching when you go off to powder your nose or order another drink.

Don’t try to delight your date with the giggly, light flirting that others like—Scorpios are bored by small talk. Be prepared to explore pressing issues of the day, like politics. You may have to sit through their recitation of beloved but unprovable conspiracy theories, but pick your battles and know when to save energy on questioning these types of things. Don’t brag about how much money you make (save that for a Taurus!) and instead try to impress your Scorpio with a story about a time you earned the respect of your boss by giving them an inside scoop. Scorpios will appreciate that you understand how to be crafty and nimble at work.

If you’re lucky enough to win a Scorpio’s heart, you are in for the kind of love where nothing is off-limits. Whereas some signs think there are stories that are too intense for a partner and better left to a therapist, Scorpio doesn’t see it that way. When a Scorpio cares deeply about you, they want to know your entire story and find a way to help you heal your darkest, deepest wounds. They want to hold your hand while you take a leap of faith and face your fears. Nothing excites a Scorpio more than a significant other asking for help to exorcise their inner demons.

When it comes to sex, the notoriously sexual sign will work hard to get you off, and expect you to do the same. They’ll likely ask you lots of specific questions, as if it’s their solemn duty to help you reach orgasm. This may make it feel weird at first, but it will also be gratifying and overwhelmingly pleasurable. There is nothing like sex with a Scorpio.

In fact, a Scorpio’s sex drive can perhaps be too much to handle, like when they go from zero to 100 and entirely skip foreplay. It can also be difficult for a Scorpio to grasp that not every single sex session in a long-term relationship is going to be mind-blowing—sometimes you just need a quickie because it’s been a long day and you still have to wake up early! The key to keeping a Scorpio happy is to make it last; if you can’t shower them with sexual attention every week night, set aside some fun time on the weekend when you two can go full on and all out.

On the flip side, if a Scorpio gets mad at you, one of the first ways they express their anger is to flake out sexually. They’ll be cold to your touch or withdraw their affections instead of talking things through. Scorpios will tell themselves a crazy story about why you didn’t text them right away or what went down at a party—and then let themselves spiral because they suck at asking for clarification directly.

The biggest challenge of dating a Scorpio is that they don’t know how to pick their battles. After all, they’re ruled by warrior planet Mars, making them quick to fight and argue. Scorpios choose the strangest hills to die on, and might give you a hard time about how your stove isn’t clean enough or how you should call your mom more often. They might bust your chops when you screw up at work instead of being a compassionate shoulder to cry on.

If it’s time to end things with a Scorpio, avoid cheating on them at all costs. When they find out a partner’s been unfaithful, they’ll go out of their way to tarnish their reputation with any mutual friends or business contacts. It’s much better to try and break the news over coffee. It’s likely that a Scorpio will try to gaslight you if they want you to remain in the relationship, saying something along the lines of, “All couples fight and maybe you just aren’t mature enough for an adult relationship where people hold each other accountable.” Don’t engage with this manipulative behavior. Say something like, “I just want to be with someone who is nice to me, and in a relationship that doesn’t have constant arguments.” Some Scorpios say very little during the initial break-up conversation but then come back swinging with angry emails, vicious texts, or other social media shenanigans. It might be in your best interest to mute or even block them for an initial period of no-contact.

But if you love a Scorpio for the long haul, get good at forgiving them for their blowups. They are a water sign and sometimes they just feel so emotional that they quickly get feisty. Practice the fine art of checking in to make sure they aren’t imagining things and telling themselves stories of things that aren’t actually happening. Be sexually liberated and enjoy the hell out of sex every weekend. Imagine yourselves as two spies in love and sleuth out the secrets in your workplace, your circle of friends, and your families—together. If you can harness the powerful energy of the Scorpio rollercoaster, few romances will be as intense or rewarding.

What's in the stars for you in October? Read your monthly horoscope here.

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