There are so many different stages of drunkenness that we can’t possibly categorize them all, but they do vary based on where you are on the scale from ‘I am pleasantly intoxicated’ to ‘I just vomited in and propositioned a drainage pipe.” A few nights ago, a Scottish man reached the level of shitfaced where he didn’t just want to go home—he wanted to go to his parents’ home. The only problem? They hadn’t lived there for two years.
According to the Daily Record, 26-year-old Thomas Airlie had been out in Glasgow celebrating his friend’s newborn son when he decided it was time to call it a night. He got a cab to his folks’ house, took his shoes off at the door, then curled up on the sofa to sleep it all off. He was awakened a few minutes later by a woman who wanted to know who he was, and why he was laying on her furniture.
Elaine Wedlock said that she’d just gotten home from a business trip and was so excited to see her kids, that she’d forgotten to lock the door. She heard a noise in her living room and, after realizing that her kids and her dogs were all upstairs with her, she went to investigate—and she found Airlie, out cold on the couch.
“When I saw him I woke him up straight away,” she said. “I even asked him if he used to live here, or if he lived in the same street now and had just got the wrong door. I phoned my husband and he agreed to take him home but he didn’t even know where he lived so he dropped him off at [a supermarket] instead.” She said that she took a photo of him while he slept and, the next day, he sent her a Facebook message to apologize.
“Canny believe i got a taxi to ma old house where ma mum and dad use to stay and slept on the couch last night,” he wrote on Twitter. (Almost all of the responses to his tweet were some variation of “THAT NEVER HAPPENED,” but Wedlock posted about the incident on Facebook, as did one of Airlie’s friends. That doesn’t mean it did happen, but does mean that we’d applaud their commitment to social media bullshit, if it were falsified.)
“He’s gone now, he was harmless,” Wedlock wrote. “But lessoned learned again. Lock your doors guys.”
And, another lesson: always double-check your parents’ address before heading out for the night.