The first time the U.S. Women’s National Team (USWNT) played Thailand, it only took 39 seconds for Carli Lloyd to put the United States on the scoreboard. By the fourth minute, an assist from Lloyd and a goal from Christen Press made it 2-0. Literally seconds later, Lloyd passed to Heather O’Reilly, who made it 3-0. When the referee mercifully blew the final whistle, it was 9-0, and more than a few people in the crowd probably wondered whether matches like this could really be called “Friendlies.”
Almost three years later, the two teams met each other again in Group F of the FIFA Women’s World Cup. Despite their lopsided match history, despite the fact that the United States is the favorite to win the tournament, and despite the fact that Thailand’s leaky defense had allowed 16 goals in its previous four matches, a Miami bar decided to offer one free shot to every drinker for every goal the United States scored.
Team USA scored 13 goals. Yes, THIRTEEN goals, including an absolutely bonkers TEN GOALS in the second half alone. That 13-0 win became the biggest-ever margin of victory in any World Cup, women’s or men’s. It also broke the record for the most goals ever scored in a World Cup match, and forward Alex Morgan’s five (!!!) goals tied a record for the most scored by one player in a single match.
And the bartenders at American Social Brickell had to serve free shots for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
American Social Brickell is where the Miami chapter of the American Outlaws—the unofficial supporters’ group for the US Men’s and Women’s National Teams—meets to watch their soccer matches. “Yes, we do this for every US game. No, we didn't run out of shots (barely),” American Outlaws Miami wrote on Facebook. (The U.S. Men’s National Team has scored a total of 11 goals in its previous 12 matches, so it’s not quite the booze-bath that American Social had to deal with on Tuesday afternoon).
The U.S. Women play again on Sunday, and their opponent, Chile, is even lower in the FIFA World Rankings than Thailand. “Who's ready for Round 2?” the Outlaws wrote. “And yes, FREE SHOTS FOR EVERY $%@#*+ USA GOAL!”
Yeesh, we hope the bar has called for backup. And maybe a paramedic.