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Measles Are the Hot New Wellness Trend Sweeping America

Choosy parents are choosing not to vaccinate, and the results are really showing!

by Harron Walker
Oct 1 2019, 8:04pm

Photo by Shutterstock/kurhan

Bonjour, bloggerinas! That’s French for “Hello.” As you can tell, I’ve been practicing—just like I said I would when I made it my New Year’s resolution to get fluent by fall, as longtime readers of Ready, Set, Melissa! may recall. I think I’m almost there? Bilingual girl b’October, here we come!

Speaking of autumn, with my Eighva back in school, I’ve had plenty of time to get back to my true passion: staring at the bird bath in the neighbor’s backyard wondering how many inches of water I’d need to properly drown myself. Ha ha, just kidding! I’ve been reading the news in search of the latest wellness trends—just like I used to every day when I was a senior health writer at The Marin County Herald before I gave it up for Craig (Give it up for Craig!), and wouldn’t you know? A lot of people have gotten measles this year, per the Associated Press. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention been 1,243 reported cases since January—the highest it’s been since 1992, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says! Looks like Jessica Biel and Shanelle Cartwright were right: Not vaccinating against measles is definitely the newest big thing!

I’m a bit unclear on what the health benefits of measles are, exactly? The Mayo Clinic says that untreated measles can lead to bronchitis, encephalitis, and even fatal pneumonia, none of which sounds very "well" to me. But if people are saying not vaccinating kids for measles is good, it must be, even if I don't really understand why and it in fact is leading to fatal consequences at alarming rates. I’d rather my Eighva not miss out on such a formative experience that all of her peers are going through. What’s more traumatizing for my little Eighva: dying of pneumonia, or everyone else at Horse & Harbor Country Day dying of pneumonia without her?

My other fresh wellness finds for fall include a lot of the usual subjects: clearing your home of all the clutter, installing electromagnetic field readers in every room, not going to the gym. I’ll be sure to add making sure my unvaccinated daughter gets measles to that list! Arrivederci, and happy b'October!

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Tagged:
Satire
anti-vax
measles
anti-vaccination
vaccinations