Sports

Jay Cutler Inspires and Dazzles at Press Conference as New Dolphins QB

The Miami Dolphins introduced their new quarterback to the media today, and it was primo Jay Cutler.

by Sean Newell
Aug 7 2017, 7:12pm

Image via Twitter/@JasonLieser

Jay Cutler is back, folks, and all things Kaepernick aside, this is a good thing for the football fans of America. No one player has been able to capture the attention of millions simply by being the most aloof, smirking-est weirdo on the planet who also happens to have a rocket for an arm. Sure, he often doesn't know exactly where that arm will lead the ball he's just thrown, but these are minor details. Look at that puss!

This is a dude who just signed a one-year deal that could earn him as much as $13 million. He's going to spend the winter in Miami. He's a last minute replacement for an injured player so the stakes aren't that high. This is, like, one of the greatest situations he could find himself in and he looks like a Jets fan reading the latest dispatch on Christian Hackenberg and the intricacies of breaking the huddle.

Fucking love it. Guy didn't even brush his hair. No one gives less of a shit than this man.

Jay is also managing expectations for his re-entry into the league after retiring and taking a job as an analyst with FOX. It seems Jay might not be in the best shape of his life, but there's a silver lining: his position. Please enjoy this quote, via Connor Orr:

"The good thing is I play quarterback, so I don't have to be in that great of cardiovascular shape."

I want to bathe in this quote. Light some scented candles, put on some Enya, dim the lights, and just spend a couple hours ladling this quote over my body that is also probably not in that great of cardiovascular shape, if we're being honest.

The NFL is funnier with Jay Cutler in it and we need football to be funny, now more than ever.