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During This Month's Eclipse, Consider Dumping Your Boyfriend

January ends with a super, blue moon eclipse in attention-loving Leo—which is a lot to deal with. How will you handle the secrets, revelations, and life-changing realizations?
Beautiful art by Callie Beusman

A new year is here, but that doesn't mean we're not still working out bullshit from 2017. In this installment of Dear Annabel we talk a lot about love and about responsibility—a hugely important theme for Capricorn season.

Dear Annabel,
My boyfriend (Scorpio) and I (Sagittarius) have been friends for 15 years—since high school! We started dating early last year and there were plenty of tough learning experiences, but we got into a pretty good rhythm over time.

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However, in late October, we started bickering more, sometimes with those tiffs blowing up into bigger fights. Our sex life slowed, too. When I asked him about it, he said his depression had depleted his drive—a feeling I know and respect. Then, during a recent blow-up just before Christmas, he said the "real" reason he didn't want to have sex was because I am "super mean to him all the time." What? This was the first I'd heard this.

When we cooled down, he seemed to genuinely regret saying that, but we were still far from healed. We spent the next week or so apart with very little communication (I instigated everything. He often just wouldn't respond.) We agreed to see a couples’ therapist once we were back in our city.

And Saturday, we did. The sex thing came up again, but this time with a new excuse: My drinking habits turned him off. I'd already been abstaining from alcohol for weeks at the time of the appointment (I'd recognized a problematic relationship), so this information felt especially hurtful. Besides all the sex problems, we differ wildly in communication styles—mostly in that I like to tackle issues the next immediate calm moment and he seems to save them up to use as weapons during arguments. Also, I make decisions quickly with my gut; he takes his time sorting through various options. A lot of times, these differences can be good (he slows me down, I get him moving) but right now, as he "figures things out" for an undetermined amount of time, it's excruciating.

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It's been a few days and so far, nothing. He sent a quick text shortly before midnight on New Year's, but that's it. I haven't been reaching out, as I'm trying so hard to respect his need for space.

We have another appointment Friday. I'm not sure if I should slow my roll and see what happens ("sitting in the gray," our therapist calls it) or just get going on moving on and make a call. I want to preserve our long-time friendship but, realistically, I knew this was a high-risk relationship gamble from the jump. At what point am I just being delusional, waiting for a moment that may never come?

— Sagittarius Sitting in the Gray

Dear Sagittarius Sitting in the Gray,
Practicing mindfulness and patience and “sitting in the gray” while you wait for test scores, lab results, or other situations that are out of your control makes sense to me. But “sitting in gray” while someone else broods over whether or not they want to work things out with you sounds hellish.

Any sign would be upset in your situation. As a Sagittarius—a Fire sign!—you’re not interested in “gray.” You’re all about red. Red, as in stop and dump the dude. Or red as in passion reigniting. (Red can mean so many things!) Red takes action. Sagittarius is the sign of the centaur; you need to be moving, traveling, living, and learning—not trapped in the stables with a chain around your foot, waiting to see if someone loves you. Don’t do this to yourself! Dump him.

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You two can get back together—but only after he has worked through his shit. Honestly, what other options are there? If you don’t dump this person, your only other choice is to try not to lose your mind while you acquiesce to someone else’s emotional needs. What about your needs? You don’t need to put up with this.

You two might have been friends for 15 years, but are you friends now? I’m sure your real besties did much more than text you on New Year’s Eve. And I’m sure that, if you’re ever mean to your close friends, they actually make time to talk to you about it, rather than withdrawing and then blowing up at you about it. It’s reasonable to be hurt and angry about your boyfriend’s inability to communicate effectively, especially since he knows that’s not your style at all. This isn’t something you should need to feel chill about if it’s not working.

It’s great that you two are meeting with someone who can help open the lines of communication, but ask yourself: Is this working? And is it worth it? Your boyfriend keeps coming up with new reasons for your lack of intimacy, which is concerning—it makes it seem as though he hasn’t addressed the root issue, and that he’s unwilling to try. In addition, it seems that he’s often too defensive to hear your concerns without withdrawing completely. Why should you put in the energy to talk things through if he won’t listen or be genuine with you?

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There’s a lunar eclipse in Leo on January 31. Full moons are times of culmination, eclipses especially so, and Leo is the drama queen of the zodiac. If you don’t make up your mind by then, I wouldn’t be surprised to see some kind of big emotional release or shake-up! Embrace Leo’s energy, and don’t be afraid to put yourself first. I hope you two can work it out, if that’s what you want, or at least that you can save your friendship. But, again, ending the relationship is presently the best option you have, unless you’re OK with “sitting in the gray” indefinitely.

— Annabel


Dear Annabel,
Why is every fuckboy I know also a Libra?

—Confused Scorpio

Dear Confused Scorpio,

I have two answers for you. The first is that Libras, in general, are charmers who can talk their way into anyone’s pants and then talk their way out of any trouble. Libras also love love! But they have a hard time making decisions, and even once they settle down, they often have side pieces and side pieces for those side pieces, because Libras love a back-up plan. Any sign can be a fuckboy, but a Libra fuckboy is especially cute, funny, and capable of juggling lovers.

The second answer, Scorpio, is that Libra is the sign before you on the zodiac wheel, which means that they represent mystery in your life, and they’re hard for you to understand, to “pin down.” Scorpios are intense, while Libras have a light, airy vibe to them—one that doesn’t make any sense to you. How can they be so chill? you wonder.

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Every sign has this relationship to another sign: Sagittarius is bewildered by you, Scorpio, Capricorn is dumbfounded by Sagittarius, Aquarius is bemused by Capricorn, Pisces mystified by Aquarius, Aries is at sea with Pisces, Taurus is baffled by Aries, Gemini is intrigued by Taurus, Cancer is curious about Gemini, Leo wonders about Cancer, Virgo is perplexed by Leo, and yes, even Libra gets puzzled—by Virgo.

Fuckboy or no, Libras just confound you. Enjoy. There isn’t much you can’t figure out—even with all your psychic powers! But, I do have some good news for you, Scorpio, if you’re hoping for some kind of karmic retribution: Fuckboys have a hard time taking responsibility for things, and the shit will really hit the fan for them this month when a cluster of planets meets in Capricorn during the January 17 new moon. Capricorn is a no-bullshit sign—the perfect antidote to fuckboyishness!

— Annabel


Dear Annabel,
I’ve learned that Venus—as the planet of love, beauty, and what we find valuable—plays a role in compatibility. My Venus is in Sagittarius. This makes total sense to me, because I dislike feeling pinned down, yet I definitely care about doing what’s “right” and being honest in my relationships. I think of Sagittarius as a passionate sign, one that loves without abandon and is always up for trying new things. However, my partner’s Venus is in Cancer, and my friend told me this is a bad match. Is it bad? Thank you!

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— Venus in Sagittarius

Dear Venus in Sagittarius,
If you were to judge these two signs on the surface—cosmopolitan, gregarious Sag and domestic, sensitive Cancer—sure, it seems like the two wouldn’t have much in common. In many ways they don’t, but that could work to your benefit! Sagittarius the sign of the seeker, and Sags can benefit from Cancer’s intuition, and Cancer’s ability to nurture is certainly inspiring to Sagittarius, a sign that’s based on the myth of Chiron, the wounded healer. Having everything in common isn’t the only way for two people to get along.

In addition, Venus compatibility, just like Sun sign compatibility, isn’t all that there is to, well, compatibility. You need to consider the each person’s whole chart and, more importantly, the people.

Venus signs point to what we love and value, as well as how we seek affection. You and your partner do this differently, but that’s not bad. If your Venus and their Venus are what’s called inconjunct—150 degrees apart on the zodiac wheel— then you two will find that you do need to make adjustments for each other around Venusian themes, like what kind of chocolates to eat as you two lounge in bed, or with more important stuff, like what to invest in. But if, let’s say, your Venus is at the very early degrees of Sagittarius, and theirs were at the very end of Cancer, then this would be closer to a “trine aspect,” 120 degrees distance on the wheel, which is very harmonious despite the differences between the two signs.

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Venus in Cancer can be modest, which may not line up with Venus in Sag’s need to run around naked in the woods. But Venus in Cancer is also very playful and enjoys engaging in role-play and fantasies—some that could make Venus in sanctimonious Sag blush! The signs have moods, and so do people. Your astrological differences have every chance of working, as long as you two want to be together!

A fantastic learning experience will come for you two as a couple at the January 31 eclipse in Leo, which will reveal how you two can be there for each other when things get difficult. This Leo eclipse does different things for each sign (you can learn about how it’ll affect you personally here). In general, though, we can all expect secrets to be revealed and for major shake-ups to take place. Trust that these changes are meant to be. Eclipses place us on our right path; if we’ve been straying too far off course from our destiny, this process can be quite alarming.

If your partner can honor your Venus’s need for fiery passion, intellectual conversation, and adventure, and you can honor their need for comfort foods, comedies, and crying sessions as this emotional eclipse plays out, then it sounds to me like you two are highly compatible!

— Annabel


Do you have a pressing question for Annabel? Email us with the subject line "DEAR ANNABEL": broadly.editor@vice.com