Now, Every Day Is Boris Day

So here it is, Boris Day. The day when absurd clown politician becomes absurd clown PM in waiting, honking his nose and asking us all to smell the fake flower attached to his jacket. The day on which 159,000 Tory members – 0.2 percent of the UK population, nearly two-thirds of whom believe that Islam is "a threat to Western civilisation" – decided the fate of the country.

They have elected Boris Johnson to be their leader, and therefore our Prime Minister when Theresa May steps down on Wednesday. On an 87.4 percent turnout, Johnson won 92,153 votes, compared to 46,566 for his rival, Jeremy Hunt. That means 66 percent of Tory members went for cheap optimism, dog-whistle racism and the sort of affable charisma enjoyed by people who experience politics mainly as fodder for Radio 4 panel shows.

Boris has waited his whole life for this moment; as a child, he wanted to be "world King". But on the day he became Prime Minister, Johnson was still rocking his sixth form debater, flying by the seat of his pants vibe. In his acceptance speech he joked that the acronym of the mantra of his campaign ­– "Deliver Brexit, Unite the country and Defeat Jeremy Corbyn" – spells "dud".

"But they forgot the final 'E', my friends!" he continued. "E for 'Energise'. And I say to all the doubters, 'Dude! We are going to energise the country!'" Dude. Dude.

How he is going to energise the country is not exactly clear, because all that was on offer was the incoherent optimism of someone on the way to a rain-flooded festival, determined to still have the time of their lives, repeating "PMA, PMA – Positive Mental Attitude" in between swigs of a warm tinny.

"We're going to get Brexit done on October the 31st. We're going to take advantage of all the opportunities it will bring in a new spirit of 'can do'," he said. "And we are once again going to believe in ourselves and what we can achieve."

Concerned that your life is about to be blighted by a No-Deal Brexit induced recession? PMA, mate: don't worry about it.

"And like some slumbering giant we are going to rise and ping off the guy-ropes of self doubt and negativity with better education, better infrastructure, more police, fantastic full fibre broadband sprouting in every household. We are going to unite this amazing country and we are going to take it forward."

I'm sure the prospect of fast broadband is an exciting one in certain areas of the country, but I’m less convinced that buffer-less streaming is all that's needed to bring Britain’s feuding Brexiteers and Remainiacs back to the dinner table.

Even this limited set of aspirations could be a bit optimistic given the endless set of impossibilities posed by Brexit, the constitutional crisis he immediately faces. To this, he had simply more bluster: "I look at you this morning and I ask, 'Do you look daunted? Do you feel daunted?'" This was perhaps a cue for some participation, some cries of "No!" But everyone sat mute, and it was left to Johnson to say, "I don’t think you look remotely daunted to me."

In that sense, Johnson is perhaps the apotheosis of the Brexit mind-set – a plummy nationalistic hubris characterised by blithe indifference to reality. Unfortunately for the rest of us, checking out of the reality that Boris Johnson is Prime Minister is not an option. For the foreseeable, every day is Boris Day.

@SimonChilds13