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Famous People in History and the Karaoke Songs They Should Sing

In honor of Michelle Obama's recent stint on "Carpool Karaoke," the following is presented in ascending order of how drunk they'd have to be to sing.

by Lindsay Schrupp
Jul 21 2016, 7:35pm

This morning, American citizens both near and far were delighted to wake up to a video of First Lady Michelle Obama making an appearance on a "Carpool Karaoke" with Late Late Show host James Corden. Jamming heartily to Stevie Wonder, Beyonce, and Missy Elliott—who made a surprise appearance in the back seat—FLOTUS demonstrates that there can still be embarrassing, yet good-natured fun in a world that often seems to be turning to shit.

We'd like to imagine that many of history's great (or at least significant) figures would appreciate the release of a quick bout of off-key singing with one's pals. Luckily, the modern era has provided them with a panoply of appropriate songs for basically any situation. Here, we act as their drunk, shouting friends, demanding they pick up the binder and show their true colors on stage.

Read more: An Incomplete but Important List of Celebrities Who Believe in Aliens

Alexander Graham Bell - "Call Me Maybe"

And all the other boys / Try to chaaaaase me / But here's my groundbreaking invention / So call me maybe.

Lewis and Clark - "Waterfalls"

Their backup, for when "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" isn't listed in the binder.

Marie Curie - "Radioactive"

Sometimes it's easier to deal with men taking credit for the theory of radioactivity than it is to really belt those notes.

Rachel Carson - "When Doves Cry"

The conservationist and author of Silent Spring will never be silenced by Prince.

Ludwig van Beethoven - "Thank You for the Music"

More like you're welcome!!!!!!!!!!

Margaret Thatcher - "Iron Man"

The only suitable song for the "Iron Lady." Always a crowd-pleaser, unlike Mags herself.

Napoleon Bonaparte - "Waterloo"

I tried to hold you back, but you were stronger. Oh yeah.

Henry VIII - "Losing My Religion"

According to one Oxford historian, the English Reformation was one of the "sickest mic drops in history."

John F. Kennedy - "Wonderwall"

As the young president once famously said to a roaring crowd before the Berlin Wall, "Ich bin ein Oasis fan."

William Seward - "Ice, Ice Baby"

Despite the rumors of an Alaskan purchase you heard in AP US history, Seward's real folly was never learning anything beyond the chorus.

Cesar Chavez - "Closing Time"

Get this champion of labor rights a drink.

Sigmund Freud - "Can't Get You Out of My Head"

Your peculiar love of your mother is all I think about.

Ivan the Terrible - "That's Not My Name"

It is, though, Ivan. It is, though.

Vasili Alexandrovich Arkhipov - "Get Low"

Of course the Soviet Navy officer who commanded the submarine that prevented nuclear war during the Cuban Missile Crisis would want to relieve his subterranean stress with the Kings of Crunk.

Alexander the Great - "Empire State of Mind"

Little else besides empires were on his mind.

Jesus - "Don't Stop Believin'"

Just a small town carpenter, living in a lonely world. (Extremely lonely.)

Margaret Sanger - "Papa Don't Preach"

You're not in trouble deep if you're on birth control!! She'll be here all week.

Erin Brockovich - "Toxic"

If the world won't listen, this room full of drunk teenagers will.

Jonathan Swift - "Ironic"

It's like raaaaaain on your copy of "A Modest Proposal." Or was that more like satire?

Judas - "Never Gonna Give You Up"

Go home, Judas, you'e drunk.

Charles Francis Richter - "Shake It Off"

Sorry Tay, no one can shake-shake-shake it off like an infamous seismologist.