Twitter can be a very dark place—and not just because of the obvious stuff like trolling and Donald Trump supporters.
It's the bombardment of over-stylised (sorry, "witty") observations and 140-character-distilled outrage. The gin enthusiasts, cocktail afficionados, and tea addicts. Click bait headlines. Kanye West. You want to turn away from the confused soup of conflicting human monologues and Broad City screengrabs, but here you are at three in the morning, scrolling through a conversation chain about squashed tomatoes between a guy you went to school with and a disconcertingly chipper social media manager pretending to be Tesco.
But in this murky online world of subtweets and faceless eggs, rest assured that there is at least one Twitter account with a clear, upstanding purpose. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you @azeraking, a.k.a. the Nescafé Azera King. His mission on this microblogging social media website we call our virtual home?
I'll let his grammatically shaky bio explain: "Sharing Nescafé Azera offers & buying obscene amounts of it. Making a chair from the tins. Literally the best coffee ever made…"
Look at those misplaced ellipses. Revel in the incorrect use of the word "literally" and weirdly unfinished sentences. This guy is never going to give a #hottake or slide into your DMs—he just really, really likes a midmarket instant coffee brand is therefore making a chair from the tins. Fuck it, why not?
— Nescafé Azera King (@AzeraKing) September 1, 2015
Other Twitter users seem to agree. Since founding his account last year to share photos of the chair's progress and tips on supermarket deals, the King has amassed a steady following. Many are tweeting about their own love of Nescafé Azera, which claims to be a "barista-style coffee" that could get you laid by a hot Italian (or at least a moped ride)—all by simply stirring in some hot water! The orange-and-silver tins are pretty snazzy too.
MUNCHIES managed to get an email audience with the King (actually a 32-year-old structural engineer named Mark from Poole) to discuss his furniture-building mission and find out what makes a Nescafé instant so good.
MUNCHIES: Hello Mark. Do you remember your first cup of Nescafé Azera? Nescafé Azera King: Like it was yesterday. I borrowed a tin from a colleague, gave it a try, and was instantly hooked.
Have you tried other coffee brands? What makes Nescafé Azera so good? Ever since drinking my first Nescafé Azera, all other brands of coffee now taste like cheap watered-down garbage. It packs ten times the flavour of any other instant coffee on this planet. Plus, it comes in a conveniently shaped tin.
Talk me through your decision to appoint yourself the Nescafé Azera King and make a chair out of the empty tins. Well, I saw there was a gap in the market for Azera Kings so I thought I'd give it a go. It started off as a bit of a joke but soon attracted hundreds of tweets and followers. People started sending me photos of their own Azera tin uses (my favourite being a child's drum kit) so I thought I'd try and make a chair—a bit like the beer can chairs students make in their uni days, but much better and far more expensive.
Why a chair? Why not something a little more regal like a throne? It all comes down to the shape of the tins. I'm not prolific in the art of furniture making so merely stacking them on top of each other limits the possibilities. But a chair made out of Azera tins is basically a throne anyway.
Good point. What type of chair are you thinking of constructing? Just an arm chair to start with. Perhaps then a second arm chair, followed by a sofa to create the full Azera three-piece suite—imagine how many people would want that. You, for one.
You're right, I would love to recline on a sofa made of empty coffee tins. How many have you collected so far? So far, about 243 tins, which is ridiculous considering they are around £5 each. You do the math. Although I did buy 30 tins at once when they were on offer in Tesco once. 268 are required for the chair—almost there!
Good effort! Are people donating tins to you as well? Three of us drink it religiously at work and we usually get through a tin a week. I have some friends who give me tins but theirs' usually last about two months! I've had people on Twitter asking me for my address to send their empty tins to, which I have politely refused as in this day and age, they could easily be maniacs.
That's very wise. Have you upped the number of coffees you drink a day so that you can get through more tins? I drink three cups a day: no more, no less. I could up the intake to speed up the tin collection process but you can't rush these things. Too much caffeine is bad for you apparently—wouldn't want to end up at work on some kind of caffeine-fuelled office melee. Go mental and stick to the routine.
It seems like you've got really great feedback on Twitter so far. Will you be tweeting photos of your chair-building progress? When there are enough tins, the building process can begin. And fear not, Azera King fans, it will be highly documented on Twitter from start to finish.
— Nescafé Azera King (@AzeraKing) February 12, 2015
That's good to hear. Has anyone from Nescafé's marketing team been in touch to offer their support? I've had several tweets from Nescafé who are clearly avid supporters of the Azera chair project. They also sent me six limited edition design tins of Azera last year—free of charge—to put towards the chair. Easily the biggest life win so far.
What's next? A Nescafé Azera tin table? Bed? Boat? Well, after the chair and the full three piece suite is complete, the only natural thing would be to start building an Azera house to put them in. A boat, though!? Don't be ridiculous.
Apologies, your Royal Highness. Thanks for talking with us and good luck with the project!