NFL Dos and Don'ts: Houston Texans

As we prepare for another year of NFL football, let's take a look back at the highs and lows from 2014 for each team. Welcome to NFL Dos and Don'ts. If you missed one, you can read all our recaps right here.

Do

The Houston Texans are a weird team. They had a nice run there a few years back, but in their 13-year history they've only made the playoffs twice. They bounced back from a 2-14 season in 2013 to go 9-7 last year, but still missed the playoffs. They've had big-time stars in Andre Johnson, Arian Foster, and J.J. Watt, but when this season opens only Watt will be on the field. Johnson is with the Colts, and Foster will miss a good chunk of the season after having groin surgery. Nevertheless, they're on Hard Knocks this year. So that's cool.

Less cool is the prospect of Brian Hoyer or Ryan Mallett running things for your offense, so let's look back on last season, when the Texans offense helped return Ryan Fitzpatrick to his serviceable-in-a-pinch form. When you have good wide receivers, you Do want to throw the ball to them, preferably close enough that they can catch it. Here, DeAndre Hopkins only needed the one hand to reel in this catch against the Giants.

That's a pretty catch, but it didn't count, as it was called back for an illegal formation penalty. Which is sort of the Texans modus operandi: all that talent, and excitement, for nothing. Since they did have a halfway decent season last year, we are going to go ahead and give them an Honorable Mention Do, mostly because I love this Andre Johnson catch.

The Hopkins catch probably had a greater degree of difficulty, what with him catching it as he's falling down, but this throw is just perfect, and Johnson stabs it out of the air and looks so damn graceful getting his feet in and celebrating the touchdown.

Don't

If Roger Goodell and your hick friend from high school who calls football players "gladiators" starred in Weird Science, J.J. Watt would be the computer fantasy brought to life instead of Kelly LeBrock. Watt is a (white) personable, charismatic, and talented Denis Leary truck commercial in eyeblack and shoulder pads. He's also kind of a jackass. For every touchdown he scores, and for every Nae Nae dance he celebrates with, he also does dumb shit like picking fights with rookie quarterbacks who are just trying to have some fun.

That right there is Watt pretending to take selfie after sacking Titans quarterback Zach Mettenberger. He did this because as Mettenberger prepared for his first career start, he was taking selfies. Mettenberger seemed like a pretty relaxed dude trying to enjoy a pretty exciting time in his life. Fuck that noise, says J. J. Watt. You don't take selfies in the NFL.

NO, J. J. Watt, you Don't act like a dipshit and take it as a personal insult that a guy took some pictures before he played against you. Here is what he said after the game about the whole thing, which, again, involved a man taking photographs:

Welcome to the show. First of all, "the show" is Major League Baseball. Second of all, Mr. J. J. Watt, you are cordially invited to please get the fuck over yourself. R.S.V.P. to @VICESports by September 12, 2015. Thank you!