FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Tech

Like those old see-through iMac keyboards from about 5 years ago except more disgusting and strangely more soothing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a tidy person, I vacuum my house and of course keep myself clean, so and so forth. 'Brush your hands and wash your teeth' (is that how it goes?) and all that.
The microscopic dust world is a very scary place.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a tidy person, I vacuum my house and of course keep myself clean, so and so forth. 'Brush your hands and wash your teeth' (is that how it goes?) and all that. But once you move out of your parent's house, you no longer have the privilege of a mother cleaning EVERY-SINGLE-OBJECT in the humble abode you both call home. I recently discovered this forgotten privilege. After a 'stressful' session with Split/Second (a game which sees you try to escape one of Michael Bay's dreams in a over-decaled souped-up sports car) I violently threw, and broke, my PS3 control. Whilst trying to fix the damage I'd done, I discovered to my horror a lining of waxy/crumbly/crusty yellowy-brown shit stuck between the two central molds. Like I was saying I'm clean and all, but it's bad enough bringing your PS3 to Uni in the first term, let alone a group of potential new friends checking you out sumptuously clean your Playstation control on freshers week.

Advertisement

Upon finding this cheesy lining, I immediately got a tooth pick and started scraping. I can honestly say it was both disgusting and gratifying at the same time. I had to indulge in a second control after. The whole ritual was almost therapeutic. The stuff that comes out is all the shit and dead skin from your hands, mixed in with dust that had solidified into a long, ropey, worm like streak of wax stretching the ridge of the control. The whole thing was similar to when you used to (or for people without macs: 'still do') spin the keyboard upside down and watch the crumbs fall like snow.

The satisfaction of removing all this led me to have a look at exactly what it was under a microscope. Small hair follicles were among the dead skin cells and gooey debris. I photographed some of the ordeal with my piss poor camera phone but it hardly captures the moment. Believe me when I say: this is truly something you need to try for yourself.

(Next week I will be doing the same to my N64 control. The wonders I'll find in those old plastic crevasses!)