This Man Was Prepared to Take a Bullet for His $1,700 Louis Vuitton Bag
"You can pry it out of my cold, dead hands."
Screengrabs via WOOD
Most people who find themselves face-to-face with an armed robber don't think twice about giving the perp whatever they want. It's a life-or-death situation, and no phone, wallet, or prized piece of jewelry is really worth getting shot over. But Jerad Kluting isn't like most people—nothing, apparently not even the threat of death, could ever come between him and his Louis Vuitton handbag.
On Monday, Kluting was out for a walk in Holland Township, Michigan, when a thief allegedly ran up on him, pulled a pistol out of his waistband, and demanded his bag, local NBC affiliate WOOD reports. On the one hand, Kluting was staring down the barrel of a gun, and—if he refused—he could easily wind up dead. On the other hand, however, was his prized knapsack: a $1,700 Louis Vuitton handbag. Faced with a choice between his life and his beloved murse, Kluting didn't think twice.
"I was like, ‘You’re not getting my Louis Vuitton,'" Kluting told WOOD. "I worked very hard for this, and this bag I’ve had forever, and it means a lot to me. I wasn’t about ready to relinquish it to some thug that was going to demand it from me.”
Kluting told WOOD the thief fired two warning shots, and kept on pressing him for the bag. But somehow, this brave everyday hero was so hell-bent on holding onto it, even flying bullets couldn't make him give it up. The forces of evil were locked in a tense battle with the divine, fabulous forces of good, and Kluting had no intention of giving in. The perp fired a third shot—this time allegedly aiming right at Kluting—and still, he stood his ground.
"I love Louis Vuitton, and I saw this bag long before I could buy it, and I saved up my money to buy it,” Kluting told WOOD. "It means a lot to me… It represents me."
Eventually the thief ran off, and Kluting called the cops to report what had happened. Pretty soon—presumably with otherworldly, spiritual assistance from the ghost of Louis Vuitton himself—the cops managed to catch the perp. He's since been arrested and charged with armed robbery, felony possession of a firearm, and receiving and concealing stolen property. Kluting, meanwhile, is still out here accessorizing like a goddamn legend.
"I got my bag," Kluting told WOOD. "You can pry it out of my cold, dead hands."
Yes, paying $1,700 for a bag is wild, and yes, straight-up telling a man with a gun "no" when he's threatening to kill you is insane, but you know what? It worked. Somehow, Kluting's commitment to his cherished murse is so pure, so strong, the fashion gods intervened on his behalf, and he escaped with his bag and his life. For that, he is a legend. Let his style, his confidence, and his bravery be a lesson to us all.
Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.
Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.