Brexit Power Ranking: Boris Johnson Is Foiled by a Coffee Cup

You've got to give it to the man: it’s kind of funny to watch Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. More “haha we’re going to run out of medicine” funny than “haha we’re having a good time funny”, but everyone’s laughing, so… good enough?

This is the week Boris Johnson had a real stab at being Prime Minister. You know, he really gave it a go. I mean, he didn’t announce any actual policies in his speech or solve the backstop problem but he definitely turned the notch up from maybe 2.5 to 2.9, maybe even three.

As the Tory Party conference raged on with hammy, red-faced attendants and bizarro fringe events, Johnson really showed his prime ministerial colours. He made some speeches, such as this weird rousing one on the first day of the conference that had a very “on a lot of coke in the smoking area” vibe to it. Then there was the official one, which in many ways, had a sort of “unprepared company presentation on coke” vibe to it. And then, finally, just to finish off the week, he made some general gesture in the direction of a new Brexit deal.

Did he pull it off? I mean, no – the speeches were widely slated and the EU has apparently “ripped to shreds” Johnson new proposal. Of course, we shouldn’t forget that this badly managed Brexit deal is probably tactical – bad enough for the EU to say no to so he can blame them for stopping negotiations and finally get the no-deal Brexit that he wants. Perhaps he’s not quite as stupid as we all think.

On to the power ranking…

We regret to inform you that yes, the backstop issue is not over and yes, it is in the news again. This week, Johnson has come to the EU with a new deal, which seems largely inadequate but offers some form of movement on the backstop issue. For one, it says that Northern Ireland would share the same regulations as Ireland when it comes to agriculture and food. Otherwise, the plan looks largely untenable, with the EU slating it. So basically nothing has changed.

You! Could! Not! Write! It! During the Tory Party conference this week, Johnson was caught up in one hell of an environmental pickle when one of his advisors handed him a disposable coffee cup. Crickey! Not liking the optics on this, another advisor snatched it out of his hands and snapped, “No. Disposable. Cups.”

This is a man who recently took a private 335-seat jet to and from New York, and flew back to London after a trip to Leeds. Not to mention the small matter of his past voting history on environmental policies. Oh, and then there are the allegations that he groped a female journalist's leg while he was editor of the Spectator. You’ve simply got to laugh that it’s four seconds of a non-recyclable cup in the hands of the Prime Minister that’s the danger to his image.

The shaky camera and the muffled audio teamed with Johnson’s almost scripted dialogue (“What’s this… oh, oh, oh!”) truly makes it seem like political satire, but unfortunately, this is real life and we really do live in this horrible existence.

Honestly, you'd think things couldn't get worse than Boris Johnson, but you'd be wrong. Home Secretary Priti Patel puts in such an aggressively evil performance as an MP that her work must be acknowledged.

This week, she announced at Tory conference to rapt applause that the Conservative Party would end freedom of movement, despite all those party members being beneficiaries of free movement under the EU. It's pretty impressive getting cheered for taking away people's rights, but who’s really surprised? This is the same MP who was suspended for her "freelance foreign policy" in Israel while she was international development secretary, as well as working as a spin doctor for tobacco firms while simultaneously lobbying the EU against plain packaging on cigarettes. Credit where credit’s due.

We’ve previously covered the laws that have been sent back to square one because of the unlawful prorogation of parliament. This, depressingly, included a domestic violence bill that would have redefined abuse and therefore helped convict more abusers.

On Wednesday, Rosie Duffield delivered a moving nine-minute speech about the different ways abusers victimise their partners – often in more manipulative ways than simply physical violence. After she finished, a circle of Labour MPs offered her support and comfort. In a parliamentary sea of violent language and angry division, Duffield’s moving speech and its reception was a reminder of the power of empathy in politics, and how much damage Brexit has done to that.

@RubyJLL