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USWNT Administered a Drubbing to Colombia With Some Gloriously Cheeky Goals

Julie Johnston tallied two on the day, Christen Press one, and a couple devastating chips were enjoyed by all.

by Liam Daniel Pierce
Apr 10 2016, 8:04pm

Oh, the U.S. Women's National Team. Perhaps there is no greater national team on the face of the planet right now (and no, the U.S. olympic basketball team doesn't count—basketball is our sport, and it feels like cheating). Not only are they a bunch of stone-cold killers on the field, they also fight for values this country believes in off the field: equality and civil rights.

Just two weeks after filing a federal complaint about wage discrimination—like the bunch of badasses they are—about the men's team getting paid a jaw-dropping four times more then them, the women's team played Colombia today in a friendly, and they absolutely dismantled them. Colombia isn't as big of a powerhouse in women's soccer as in men's—they rank 24th, compared to the men's fourth place—but it's just simply the quality of these goals from USWNT that makes them spectacular.

Above, we have Christen Press making a well timed run off of a cross from way out. Sure, the defense looked to be in tatters, but do you know how hard it is to control a one-touch shot like that? To chip over the keeper, nonetheless? Incredible.

And as for the second goal, I mean, just check out this run from Julie Johnston:

Just look at where she starts out at the point of the kick. It's unreal. She guns down the keeper and acrobatically reaches up to get a cheeky little chip on it for a golazo you won't forget for a minute. Beautifully placed ball in from Tobin Heath, just into that weird pocket outside of the keeper's comfort zone.

But Johston wasn't done on the day. No, no. Here she is administering a kinetic flick-on past the Colombian keeper.

What's that raining down from the sky? It's confetti. If only now we could turn that into some real paper, you know what I mean, Sunil?