One day you’re dreaming about being seduced by Twin Shadow, the next day you wake up next to a guy named Lamone Johnson.
Music is one of the most powerful unifying forces. The reason we have rock 'n' roll today is because black artists like Chuck Berry picked up on white country and bluegrass and mixed it with black blues music to create something awesome and new. And you better believe music wasn't the only thing the races were swapping back then—on the low (and illegally in some states) they were mixing bodily fluids, too. This is why I've always believed good eclectic music is also a catalyst for interracial sex. Interracial banging is the best thing in the world, because maybe if more people of different races boned we could actually reach a better understanding and respect for each other. If not, at least we'd all be having great sex, which is good in its own right.
The power of musicians on interracial sex is probably why a lot of racist white parents aren't crazy about their daughters listening to hip hop. They know one minute they'll be singing the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and the next minute they'll be getting porked by little Lamone from down the street. I've dated tons of girls outside my race, so to me this phenomenon is all good. The first white girl I was probably attracted to was Kim Gordon. I used to beat off to my dad's VHS copy of Screaming Fields of Sonic Love when I was ten with the fury of a thousand swirling hurricanes. Although my theory is not scientifically documented, anecdotal qualitative evidence I've gathered from other black dudes across the country has led me to believe it is very real.
So, when I heard Twin Shadow was performing at Brooklyn's Glasslands Gallery, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to do some field research on the subject. Twin Shadow is the stage name of George Lewis Jr., a black dude of Dominican descent who has that dangerous effeminate thing going on that only guys like Montgomery Cliff and Prince can pull off. He's one of my favorite artists working today, and one of the strongest acts to see live. Last Thursday he played a bunch of synthy new tunes from his upcoming and still-untitled sophomore LP. And he probably made a lot of white girls wet. Here is how the night played out and what vital information I gathered on what I would like to officially dub, the Twin Shadow Effect:
My plan was to monitor and talk to women during the show about their racial preferences in terms of sex. However, I quickly realized that Twin Shadow may actually be more appealing to white dudes than white girls, which adds a whole new aspect to my theory. Next time I'll try to think more outside the box and not be so heteronormative. But I mean, damn, white guys were practically swooning for this dude.
This was the first lady I talked to. Her name was VIrginia Williams. I asked her if she was attracted to Twin Shadow. She said she definitely was, but she was like forty-five, which made her vajayjay too old for him. I asked her if she had ever dated a black dude and she said she had once back in the 80s. Her explanation for jumping across the color lines was simply, "It was college." Then she started telling me all this stuff about segregation and growing up in the south. I really didn't want to chat anymore, but she kept going on and on. I finally snuck off. But I saw her again during the show. She gazed at me longingly through the crowd, trying to connect our eyes while Twin Shadow sang "Forget." Maybe the Twin Shadow Effect was in full force on Virginia, but I wasn't trying to end up in Mandingo part two.
These girls were pretty awesome because they were really honest. The girl on the far left's name was Perry. I asked her if she thought Twin Shadow was a good-looking dude, and she said he wasn't her type. It really threw me for a loop. She said her type was, "Tall thin white guys." I asked her if she ever dated a black dude and she said once, but unfortunately the sex was the worst she'd ever had and would never do it again. I don't think it's fair to blame a whole race for limp dick of one dude, but to each their own. Kara is the girl on the far right. She was really not into the conversation and didn't want to talk to me at all, which is kind of understandable considering I was asking her about her boning preferences. She did however make it clear that she didn't think Twin Shadow could be black. Maybe this was a Do the Right Thing Mookie and Pino moment, where I had confronted her with the reality that all the things she loves in this world come from black people and she secretly wants black cock. But more than likely she was just annoyed. The girl in the middle's name is Shana. She was super egalitarian, basically saying the Twin Shadow Effect isn't real because she would get it on with a black dude whether Twin Shadow existed or not, which is nice.
Inside the show, I saw a few brothers hanging out solo-dolo. I think these guys must have known about the Twin Shadow Effect and were there to cash-in. This guy seems primed and ready to ride George Jeffries's coattails onto the bedbug-infested cot of some lucky Bushwick girl in the audience.
I was eyeing this couple up because, she's pretty hot and probably not white and he is kind of corny and definitely white. I wasn't sure how it fit into my theory. Maybe the Twin Shadow Effect goes both ways. So, if you're a non-white girl and you listen to Twin Shadow and are attracted to him, you will be more prone to hooking up with a white dude because the free-love spirit of the music compels you to think out of the box sexually. Unfortunately, this girl wasn't up on her boy for long. He got kicked to the curb really quick, which is kind of sad. But that's what you get when you try to bring your girl to a show with a dude like Twin Shadow performing. I only take my girl to see ugly musicians like Frank Black or Death Grips.
Here she is. Damn this is so swag. Before they performed this song, he was like "I want two bad bitches to hold up my keyboard." And these girls did it! Her boo is off somewhere looking like a chump, 'cause both of those broads are probably going home with the talent tonight.
This is Wynne Bennett, Twin Shadow's new keyboardist. Man is she a gorgeous chick, especially when she is killing the synths. I was pretty much transfixed by her the entire time. And she has really nice hands that look super soft when she's banging away on the ivories. Maybe Wynne is what pulled that white dude and probably-not-white girl together. The corny white dude saw Wynne on some blog and realized the unsurmountable beauty and complexion perfection encapsulated by women of color. I'm pretty much a groupie for Wynne from now until forever and I hope she converts many white dudes and lesbian white girls to rapturous joy of being loved by a black woman. If you've never experienced it, you really don't know anything about love.
Here are those girls I met outside again at about halfway through Twin Shadow's set. This picture was taken just as Twin Shadow was singing, "And when you were 15, I know what you said; 'I'll never let another black boy break my heart.'" These chicks were freaking out and practically said in unison to me in several different ways that they would totally fuck Twin Shadow (even the girl who'd had a bad experience with black dudes before). And that's cool. Today you're fantasizing about getting it from Twin Shadow, tomorrow you're letting one of my homies get on. And the world becomes a better place as we fight racism one interracial hook up at a time.