This week: A woman who doesn't know what a tomato is vs. a woman who hates free airline upgrades.
Cry-Baby #1: Kelly Hoggarth
The incident: A woman found part of a tomato in her Pot Noodle.
The appropriate response: Maybe making some kind of comment along the lines of "Woah, did you know this stuff had actual tomatoes in it? I figured it would just be artificial flavoring." And then possibly some kind of horse-meat joke, because they're topical right now.
The actual response: She contacted the manufacturer and her local newspaper, saying she had found an eyeball in her food.
Eighteen-year-old Kelly Hoggarth from Halifax was eating the beef-and-tomato-flavored Pot Noodle last week when she discovered the tomato.
"I'd put the Pot Noodle on a plate and was halfway through when I saw something that did not seem right," said Kelly, in an interview with The Halifax Courier.
This is the thing she discovered that did not seem right:
Just to be clear. That is a piece of tomato. Which she found in a product called a "Beef & TOMATO Pot Noodle." Anyway, sorry, Kelly, do go on:
"I touched it with my fork and saw the eyeball… I felt sick but didn't physically throw up."
She took a photograph of the tomato and showed it to some friends. Who concluded that it was an eyeball. Probably that of a rodent.
I wonder what the odds are of three people who have never seen a tomato or a rodent's eye knowing one another? I'd imagine it's about the same odds that there would have been two wannabe-high school massacrists in the same year at Columbine High School. The universe is a strange and harsh place sometimes.
Outraged, Kelly contacted Unilever, the company that manufactures Pot Noodles. In a statement, a spokesperson said: "We have stringent health and hygiene standards making it highly unlikely for anything other than the intended ingredients to feature in our products." Which is food-production industry jargon for "Fuck off, it's a tomato."
Also, what kind of sociopath eats their Pot Noodle from a plate?
Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed 42-year-old woman on a JetBlue flight
The incident: A man was given a free upgrade on a plane.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: One premium passenger got so angry, the plane had to be grounded.
Earlier this week, a man was flying from New York to San Diego on a JetBlue flight. His TV was broken, so he was given a free upgrade to the plane's premium section, where he was seated next to an unnamed 42-year-old woman.
The woman was not happy about this, and became "un-cooperative and verbally abusive." So much so, that air marshalls had to intervene, and the flight was redirected to Denver.
Upon arrival in Denver, the woman was escorted from the plane by police (pictured above), but was not charged, as the man who got the free upgrade did not want to press charges.
The other 137 passengers on board the plane were stuck in Denver for several hours (unlucky), before being put on another flight to San Diego.
So who is the bigger cry-baby? Offer feedback in the poll below, will ya?
Winner: The people with the big houses!
Follow Jamie on Twitter - @JLCT