Okay so: on Tuesday Kensington Palace announced that the Royal Couple of the Moment, Prince Harry and his fiancée Meghan Markle, will be visiting Reprezent Radio in Brixton:
I'm spinning. In a weird way, this actually makes complete sense: Reprezent is an organisation that does incredible work with and for young people in south London, and it also seems like the powers that be are trying relentlessly to frame Meghan and Harry as the Cool Royals. But also: think about it in practice. Reprezent deserve every piece of sweet and good fortune in 2018 and beyond but… what? Like, what is going to happen when Prince actual Harry walks through the doors? Reader, I considered it:
- You will see an absolutely shit, blurry photo of Prince Harry and Meghan on the Snapchat and/or Instagram story of at least one person you know who happened to be in Brixton at the time and was late for their shift at work as a result of trying to get the photo.
- Prince Harry will do a 'freestyle.' And by that I mean someone will ask Harry if he's got bars and he won't know what it means until someone explains, and then very jovially but quite firmly, like a nice teacher, he'll be like "no, no" and Meghan will laugh in a manner that shows all of her perfect teeth, and anyway after much goading Harry will, in fact, do the freestyle ("My name is Harry and I'm here to say / I'd like to reign over you in a colonialist way" is a good start, you can have that for free mate).
- The video of the freestyle (which actually just ends up being Harry saying two things that rhyme to be a good sport) will go viral and everyone will do tweets like "the real heir to the throne" or whatever.
- A tabloid will photoshop a backwards hat on a photo of Harry taken at the station, and then they'll have to print an apology.
- Someone will ask Prince Harry if he's a Tory and they will then be very quietly arrested.
- Both Meghan and Harry will be asked about the music they like and Meghan will have actually quite impressive taste. Harry does not know any songs except for the national anthem.
These are my predictions, although my ultimate hope for the visit is that someone from Reprezent ends up DJing the royal wedding—if they are really the Cool Royals, Kensington Palace should put its money where its mouth is. As we all know, the kind of hymns they play in Westminster Abbey do not bang, and if we're not even getting a bank holiday out of it, the ceremony should at least sound good while Reprezent get paid in the process.
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