“This isn't the place to bite the head off a bat while strobes fire,” New York Magazine wrote of the Marshall Stack bar. “Instead, bask in the amber Art Deco lights and bite into an English-muffin pizza, or a Cuban sandwich served on a Sullivan Street bakery ciabatta.”
Well, that sounds charming—almost as charming as falling asleep on the toilet after three beers, having to call 911 to be freed from the bar after shortly after sunrise, and then hoping that none of your friends recognize you in the subsequent photographs.
Despite being named for the amps that may have contributed to Pete Townshend’s hearing loss, the bar on the Lower East Side is a reasonably sedate late-night spot. And apparently it’s so quiet that an as-yet-unidentified 23-year-old could doze off in a bathroom stall and stay there, completely undisturbed until sometime after 7 the next morning.
“I’m dead tired, I’ve had like three beers, [and] I wanted to leave,” Dude told the New York Post about his Friday night. “I went in [to the bathroom] to take a piss. When I was done, I sat down on the toilet, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.” He blamed his friend for buying him IPA after IPA—and also for being so focused on trying to pick up a girl that he didn’t notice that Rip Van Wheatbeer had vanished.
The guy slept for several hours, and when he woke up, he realized that the bar was totally empty and he was locked in, stuck behind a roll-down metal shutter. (The most impressive part of this story is that he was somehow able to walk after sleeping on a toilet. Three days later, both of my legs would still be numb.) He said he had no choice but to call 911 and ask if someone could please swing by to let him out.
“I was just so embarrassed,” he said. “This never happened to me before.” He also suggested that, if you’ve already worked a 12-hour day, that maybe you should go home instead of to your local watering hole. (And, even though the Post ran his picture, he’s apparently still hoping that this whole thing is just gonna blow over, and that he won’t, like, get an unfortunate nickname out of it).
According to Bowery Boogie, a 20-year-old woman was locked in another Lower East Side bar last summer. Therese Hipolito fell asleep on the bathroom floor of Boss Tweed’s Saloon around 4 AM, slept until almost 8, and then called 911. When the cops showed up, they had to saw through the bar’s security bars to free her—and they had a lot of questions about how an under-21 was drinking there in the first place. The day that the bar reopened, it was raided by cops and slapped with 40 assorted violations from the police department and the State Liquor Authority.
At least the Stack’s sleeper was legal. But maybe next time, he’ll opt for that Cuban sandwich instead.