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Listen Up, You Dumbfucks: Ice-T Ate His First Bagel

"That one bite... I feel like I just ate a loaf of bread. People eat this whole thing?"

by Kristin Corry
Nov 20 2018, 3:34pm

Screenshot from Coffee Meets Bagel Ad 

This is not a drill: Ice-T has eaten a bagel and drank coffee for the first time in his life. Earlier this month, the 60-year-old rapper shocked breakfast lovers when he tweeted, "I've never eaten a bagel in my life ..." only to follow that up with, "I've never drank a cup of coffee either ...GO CRAZY!!!" When fans reminded him that his character on Law & Order: SVU ordered a cinnamon raisin bagel, he told them "TV is make believe." How the hell could a man who's played a New York detective never eaten a bagel? In a strange ad for a San Francisco-based dating site, Coffee Meets Bagel, Ice-T tries the breakfast combo on camera for the first time. In true Ice-T fashion, he's thoroughly unimpressed.

Ice started it off with black coffee, which seems like an odd choice during the peak of pumpkin spice season. "Tastes like water," he says after his first sip. "This is my first time and I can pretty much tell you this will be the last time I ever drink black coffee. Why would you do that?" Bagels seemed more his speed, except that he had a hard time adjusting to its consistency. "You gotta have some strong jaws and your teeth better be in check," he says, chewing with his mouth open. You got any caps on your teeth that's all gone, Jack. Fillings come out your mouth eating this shit."

It's truly entertaining watching someone as opinionated as Ice-T try things the average person does every day. What the hell this has to do with a dating app is lost on me, but we'd be in favor of a web series of Ice trying new things every week.

Kristin Corry is a staff writer at Noisey. Follow her on Twitter.